Feeding Each Other

When I was in my early twenties, I worked with refugees in Texas. Most came from Ethiopia and so I learn a bit about their rich culture. One custom is for people to share a common plate of food and to feed each other. I think it most likely that women feed men, but I experienced both.

There is also an old story about heaven and hell that I was reminded of recently in Kate Nowak's Prosperity Experiment . In each place there is a glorious banquet of food and each person has a spoon with a very long handle. In hell, each person is trying to feed him/herself and it is impossible because the neck of the utensil is too long. They are suffering because they are starving while longing for the food that is so close to them. In heaven, however, each person is fed to their satisfaction. They are enjoying the banquet. That is because they are using their spoons to feed each other.

Both custom and parable serve as a reminder to us. That to have a rich and abundant life, we must give and receive. To feed and be fed. I would argue that when you are giving from your heart, you are always receiving. When you are truly open to receive, you are giving so much to the giver. There is a cycle of giving and receiving to allow the abundance to flow.

The mistake that I have made so many times in my life, and am remembering to more and more to change, is that giving from any other place than my heart not only hurts myself, but does the receiver the least good as well. And when I am not allowing myself to receive fully, the result is equally as ineffective.

So many times I have dismissed or deflected compliments, talked over thank yous, made self-deprecating jokes about talents or gifts observed by others. I have done things for free- not because I wanted to in my heart, but because I thought what I offered had no value or out of guilt or obligation. I was pushing away the spoon that was there to feed me. I was rejecting the food that was necessary for me to have the energy and desire to feed others.

I did this out of a belief that I was not good enough for such treatment and if I took the goodies, I would be found out or seen as arrogant. I was erring on the side of caution, I rationalized. As a result, I not only confirmed my belief that I have little to offer the world, but I made others feel uncomfortable around me. It doesn't feel good when your gift is not accepted. To the world I was sending messages. One message was that I felt uncomfortable with the gift, so stop giving it to me. The other message was that I don't need this.

Now, there is another side to this. It was the side that craved the gifts as signs of worth. If they did not come, it was like a thorn in my side. Did people not like what I offered? Did they not like me? I became attached to the praise, the offers, the money and so on. Either way, it was not from my heart, it was from a wound. What a bind!!

Then one day, I decided to do something different. I decided to make note of when I wanted to dismiss a gift and instead, accept it with my heart. It took courage. I felt like I was risking something. I also decided to give only when it felt good to do so. And then I decided that if I felt grateful for something- a product, service, a friendship- I was going to thank the giver. I wrote letters, emails, called folks. The response was overwhelming.

Most people are not thanked for doing their job. I sincerely lavished them with well-deserved praise. It felt so good. I felt filled up. I started to use my spoon to feed my hungry neighbors and others naturally picked their spoons up to do the same.

The banquet is delicious! I think I'm write a letter to the caterer...