Judging can delay results

Judging can delay results!  It's true...I just did it yesterday.  I didn't understand what and why I was doing it, but it came in a journal entry ( I highly recommend this practice, by the way!).  I had been struggling with what direction to go next in my career.  I had some successes, but  a recent unexpected  result caused me to reconsider a path I was taking.  All of a sudden, I was stricken with anxiety- what do I do now? Why is it not clear? It's been clear, and now, it is foggy.  The choices which were two or three in my mind did not seem to really inspire me, but others were encouraging different ones.  I didn't understand why it seemed like such a big deal, as well.  This whole time I've been just going on "nudges" and seeing what happened.  Now, after my first "flub", I felt gun shy, uncertain.  No move seemed like a great one.

Then I saw a connection.  I had been judging a friend who was struggling with another issue that she wanted to change, but her mantra was always "it is so hard", "it's so complicated", "I feel horrible".   At the same time I was feeling the same way!  I realized that not only was I judging her, I was judging the same part of myself.  

Once again, I thought I was "over" that part of myself, but in my judgments, I realized that there was still stuff to be discovered.  I was also convinced that I needed an answer to solve all the challenges and if it only addressed some, I would reject it.  My friend felt the same way and I told her to just address what comes in front of her. One step at a time.  I was really talking to myself and didn't even know it!

Then, as I journaled, I came to the conclusion that my judgments that  "it is too hard" and having judgments that I even had those thoughts, were just delaying the process. That I need to just observe what I was thinking, feeling, believing and not judge a thing.  No matter how long it took, no matter what the outcome.  Even if the solution looked nonsensical.  That freed me up considerably.  I felt relief (that feeling that we're going for anyway!). I could let go. The solution will come.  I will be able to act on it.  I will fall again and be reminded that it's OK.  But, for now, I'm getting back on track with just feeling the relief.