If You Can't Beat 'em...

I am competitive.  My family is competitive.  We have to be the funniest, the smartest, the quickest, the best arguers, the most right.  This is a recipe for disaster.  At first, I looked at my competitiveness with distain.  I didn't like being competitive and would try not to be.  Then it would come out in weird ways that I would often regret.

Then I went through a stage where my competitiveness was an asset. It motivated me to take action and move forward.  I wanted to keep up with others.  The problem was that it would take a toll on me.  I'd be worn out keeping up and perceiving others as the enemy instead as supporters.   It became difficult for me to enjoy others' victories because I saw the triumphs as reminders of my failures.  It meant I was less than them.  

I have finally viewed my competitiveness for what it is.  It is a gift if I use it as a way to motivate me to keep improving my own game and it has a dark side that can take me away from who I  really am.  I recently joined a group of great folks who are working on similar professional goals.  I was nervous because I foresaw that I would feel competitive with them and not be able to support them because I would be overcome with jealousy and feeling like I need to do better than them- whatever that means.  

When I get into that space, my competitiveness reminds me to reflect on my Higher Self.  It is the kid who forgets sometimes that she is great just the way she is and doesn't need to compare herself to others to know she is good enough.  Having that internal tension with the group forces me to look at myself and know that I'm OK even when someone else is having a major victory.  I feel more supportive now with others in the same game.  I see them as allies, people to consult with and resources to tap into as well as people with whom to share and serve.  It's a whole new game with more possibilities and, I gotta tell ya, a lot more fun.