Mothers' Day letter to Myself

I wrote a love letter to my mom today.  It flowed out of me easily and it was something that I thought about doing for the past week.   It was a surprise because  although my relationship with my mother has improved tremendously over the years, especially after having children myself, it was far from perfect.  

I have heard a lot of women talk about their mothers as their heroes.  That they worked hard to get their daughters a better life or they were a model of feminism, beat the odds and so on.  I had a hard time thinking about my mother in that way.  She had some sound advice for me over the years but we had  some major differences around most things i.e feminism, politics, religion, etc.  She still tends to fret about things and now is losing her memory which can exacerbate her anxiety.

However, the inspiration to write her a letter for Mothers' Day seemed like a very natural thing to do and now that she is in her mid-80s, I thought it something to do sooner than later.  After I wrote the letter I cried for a minute.  I have realized that when I cry it usually means that what I am experiencing is true in some way- a inner truth.

The letter allowed me to see several truths: the obvious one is that I truly love my mother and I think she did a lot more for me than I thought.   The other is that there is a great deal of positive in our relationship and I wanted her to know that she accomplished much with her mothering.  In short, my mother became one of my heroes.

 Another truth was not obvious until I finished the letter.  This letter was from my inner Being.  It was a letter that reflected what my inner spirit saw in my mother as her real self- not her anxiety or her political views, but her highest self.  It was spirit to spirit.  

Lastly and certainly not least, it was a letter from my inner Being to me.  It was what I needed to hear about myself- that I was a good mother- not perfect, but loving and kind-even in crazy times.  

When my mentor first spoke to me, he made a point of saying that I needed to be kind and gentle with myself in this process- again it brought me to tears knowing that this was something that I needed to do, but rarely allowed it to happen.  I think this letter finally allowed me to experience this compassion.

So, if you are ever feeling like a failure as a mother or even mildly overwhelmed, write your mother (whether she is in this world still or not) a love letter.  You never know what will happen.

Happy Mothers' Day