Raising Children as a Spiritual Practice

The subtitle here is: How my ego gets in the way of flossing my child's teeth

Eckhart Tolle talks about how raising children can be a whole spiritual practice in itself.  I don't think he means that everything is cuddly and sweet and peaceful all the time.  Certainly, that is part of the equation. What he is referring to is how children are great at triggering the part of the ego called the "pain body"- that dark part of each of us which results from unresolved negative energy.  When we identify with it and let it take over, it is a separate entity that is part of the ego.   It is not the children's fault, they are just in the dynamic with us. If we can become aware of it and watch it and not identify with it, it will dissolve over time. With practice  we do not become engaged with it at all and our peace and love shine through.  Sounds nice, right?

I noticed that when I am pre-menstrual, I am more likely to identify with my pain-body. It is no surprise, and Tolle also talks about becoming  aware of the pain-body during this time. It is another opportunity that also can  be a whole spiritual practice onto itself.  I was blessed, as all mothers are, to have the double opportunity to practice in that I'm raising kids while PMSing. So, here I am in and out of awareness that my pain-body is present, and I'm trying to floss my middle child's teeth.  She's not keen on the flossing and so the games begin.  If I looked at the video of the event, I, and certainly my mommie friends,  would be amused, horrified, and saddened by what they saw.  

My daughter, bless her, is very strong willed and doesn't easily give in.  I felt that I couldn't give in either and we were in a stalemate.  I first talked sweetly to her, negotiated, explained, negotiated more, gave scenarios of painful dental appts, put sanctions in place, summarized the deal over and over.  Then I threatened with physical restraints- basically holding her down to floss.  

OK I know what you are thinking...actually I am assuming I know, which can really feed the ego, so I will stop doing that.  It's none of my business anyway.

Finally, my husband got home and saved my butt.  He offered to floss her teeth.  She refused.  The problem was that the floss had mint flavor which she reported as burning her.  My pain-body just didn't care (that's the pain-body for you!).  He talked with her gently for a moment and it gave me a moment to snap out of my righteous, need for control, and wound of disrespect for a second to look for a hidden stash of unflavored floss.  I found some plain kiddie flossers and immediately she was interested in them.  The flossing was finished in 20  seconds.

The rest of the night I felt ashamed of myself (more ego) and then sat in a tub of hot aromatic water, breathed, quieted down and forgave myself for my behavior.  Certainly it was not the worst of my non-peaceful, ego driven, really-not-me parenting.  It was a reminder of how easily one can slip into the pain-body without notice and get stuck.  I couldn't even hear my husband's reasonable option of not flossing that night and buying some plain floss for the next day.  "It was too late..It was too far gone for that!" my ego  defended.  Wisely, he didn't get into with me. He just said "OK". Smart man.