Having Abundance in my Life

I love the feeling of abundance!  So, why don't I chose to feel abundant all the time?  I get into fear mode- there is not enough, I am not enough, I need to have more, I am afraid to ask for more, I can't give or spend more....I was in this way of thinking most recently and I would assume that you would understand that, despite its familiarity,  it pretty much stinks! However, it taught me a lot about myself.  I realized, with a little guidance, that it comes from feelings of unworthiness.  Feelings of not being enough just the way I am.  Feelings that everything needs to be perfect or else why bother.  

Without this stinky feeling inside, I would have never discovered or would have dismissed these deeper beliefs.  This time I was ready to look at them.  So, how to "get rid" of these stinky feelings, you ask?  I decided to just be aware of them as they appear- they were everywhere. Talk about abundance!!! "I can't buy that now...", " I keep spending but am not making", "There's not enough time in the day to get all this done..", "I need to do  more here...", "I didn't get it all done", "Who is going to want to do this?", "What if no one comes to this event?", "I not going to ask for what I really want, because he is not going to give it to me.."  and on and on.

As I become aware of them, and thus being the awareness of the thoughts and feelings, I  realize I'm not those beliefs.  I am becoming more separate from identifying with thoughts and feelings of unworthiness. (Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now")  A mentor of mine suggested that I ask myself a question when I start getting into a mindset where I feel like I need to fill others needs and neglect my own (when the kids start asking for things from me all at the same time).  The question is "What do I need right now?"  The idea is to stop the cycle of feelings and thoughts of unworthiness and lack and treat myself as if I am very worthy- as worthy as my children or my husband or anyone else.  If I treat myself this way, I will have more to give in the long run, thus feeling abundant- interesting how that works...  

Another suggestion, which I heard last night from Eckhart Tolle ("A New Earth..."), was to  become aware of all the abundance around you.  You can do this just by looking around you, out the window- seeing the abundance of nature, or even walking down the street and seeing the abundance of fruit in a store.  Being still also allows me to feel the abundance of aliveness in my hands, my feet, legs, head, etc.  

The only thing that is stopping me is my attachment to feeling unworthy and in lack.  After all, this belief has been in my life for a very long time.  I do have confidence that with time, this belief will not just feel stinky, but doesn't hold up to the evidence of my life. I will discover that it just doesn't serve me and it will slowly dissipate.  If I fight against it, I'm perpetuating it, fueling the fire. (Check out Ray Dodd's "Power of Belief")

I had an inspiration this morning that was fueled by my increasing feelings of abundance.  I got an email from Heifer International, one of my favorite organizations.  It declared April as "Pass On the Gift" month.  At some point in time, families who have received an animal, insect, or crop to cultivate or raise pass on their offspring to another family.  They were encouraging donors to host "Pass On the Gift" dinner parties to raise  awareness and perhaps funds for Heifer International.  As soon as I read it I thought it to be inline with my abundance project for myself.  

In giving of myself and encouraging others to find the abundance in their lives and to also give in anyway they were able, would I not be creating another avenue of being conscious of the incredible abundance in my life?  Besides, I love a good party.  

As I started to think about the party and how it would look, I had an incredible feeling of abundance in just what I had already.  The abundance of sunshine, the abundance of water in my shower, the abundance of food for breakfast, the abundance of laughter coming from my children which started a whole string of abundances just thinking of them.  Just the idea of the party opened up the depths of abundance within me.  I think it is Neale Donald Walsch ("Conversations with God") who called this "Being the Source".  Being the source of what you want for someone else is a great way of becoming aware that you already possess it.  After all, if you need to possess it before you can give it away, right?

Now, it doesn't  really matter what happens with this party or even if I have one.  It is the knowing that I already have this abundance and worthiness inside me that is there whenever I need it.  It is that feeling of peace and wholeness.  Tolle defines "wholeness" as having peace with his imperfections.  I loved that. I don't have to be perfect to be worthy or deserving of abundance.  Perfection is not the goal- it is impossible after all.  It is the knowing that I am OK right now.  I am abundance. I am whole.

With gratitude always for this moment.