Opening the Forgotten Door

When I have gone and continue to go through phases where I am discovering and looking at some of my wounded beliefs, I do not feel particularly great. The wound is like a child pounding on the door, trying to get in, trying to get my attention, and I have spent so much of my life not wanting to open the door that I have stopped hearing the pounding. Then when I am ready to address the neglected child, I feel awful in a dozen ways. I don't really want to open the door for fear of what is behind it. Then when I do open the door, I see myself in this little person who just wants to have my attention and love. I worry that perhaps I've waited too long to answer, or that the neglect has taken its toll and that the child is too much for me to handle, in that, the wounds are too deep.

But I have learned after going through this process over and over that although it feels yucky and like walking through mud, it not only gets easier and less muddy, it starts to feel better after a while. Then I come out of the process with a renewed sense of wellness and strength and peace. I realized that the process was worth it. I've also realized that if I am facing this wound, I can handle it. I am ready and able. If I don't feel that I am up to it, that's OK, too. There will be plenty of opportunities in this lifetime or the next to address it again.

Lastly, going through the process puts me in the the realm of warriors. If I can visualize myself as a warrior of sorts, that is, someone who is courageous and open enough to face the unknown and handle what comes, then I feel supported and safe enough to open that door and just observe what is there. I don't have to do anything, just look at it for what it is. A small scared child looking for its mother for comfort. And I know that I can do that.

So, if you've been putting off looking at some beliefs that are based on a wound ("I am not enough", "I don't deserve good things", "I am not lovable" are some examples), here are some questions to consider. What do you think is stopping you in just looking at these beliefs? Do you think you need to take action in some way once you discover them? What do you think would happen if you just opened the door and observed what was there? If you anticipate that you would need help and support, can you imagine what that would look like? (mentor, coach, therapist, good friend...) Let me know what comes up for you

Letting Go Allows For More

I recently had a powerful experience in letting go of a person that was not quite right for me. I was looking for a person or group to receive and give support for a specific project that we would be doing each on our own. This person would be a sounding board, encourager, challenger, prodder and then we'd switch roles and I would be the same for him/her.

So, I sent out my request and received an email back fairly quickly. I eagerly called him back and almost immediately got a "hit" inside that this was not the right person. There was a part of me, the habitual part, that wanted to keep trying to make it work. Even to the extent of making this relationship another project. Maybe if I get to know this person more, I'll discover something really neat that will make it all worth while. Maybe he just needs more time for me to get to know him. Now, there was nothing wrong with this person, but he was not the right person for me to work with. I held on to that notion of me fixing him to suit me for a while and at the same time, the "hit" kept coming. "Do not settle." "Let him go." "Don't worry about finding someone else."

A tug-o-war was ensuing inside me. I was afraid to let go because I feared I would hurt his feelings, that I wouldn't find anyone else, and he possessed some expertise that I was looking for a partner. I was trying to convince myself that perhaps it was a sign that this person was the right one despite my feelings screaming "this doesn't feel good!"

So, I dropped it all. I decided to take the risk of not holding on and follow my feelings. I had to come back to the basics of following my feelings. If it doesn't feel good and I'm not happy, I'm not going forward. I ended up writing an email to him and despite my ego telling me he'd be hurt deeply, he seemed pretty OK. I was not settling. I'll wait.

And literally, the moment after I sent that email, another popped into my inbox. It was another person answering my request. I called her immediately and we chatted. It felt good. It felt right. And we started the support group for the project.

So, here's an experiment to try: Are you holding on to anything or anyone for any reason besides that it feels right and good to you? Why are you holding on? What are your fears/concerns of letting go? If you thought it was possible to receive a new and perhaps better fitting thing or person into your life (including yourself), would you consider letting go? Remember that letting go is a great way to free you up to see more possibilities than you could even imagine...