Is Boredom the Ego?

I was sitting at the computer recently and found myself feeling bored. This is hard to imagine if you knew that I'm a mother of three young children and running a business out of my house. But, there are times when there is not much to do. In fact, I have purposely made it so. I could be cleaning something or writing something (like a blog post?) or "fixing something". Still, everyone seemed to be accounted for in the family and I didn't have the desire to do any of the above.

The first impulse was to call or IM someone, but suddenly I realized that it was covering up the feeling and I wanted to see why I felt that way. Boredom, to me, feels like restlessness. Uninspired, low energy that is not easily remedied. There is an underlying anxiety to it.

"What should I do now?" "How do I make this moment move more quickly so I can get back into the action that I call 'my life'?" There were definite plans for later in the day, but none right now. How could I be bored? This gap in a busy schedule rarely happens, but when it does, it feels...not so good.

Here's the big question: Is this boredom I am feeling just the ego? Is it just a story that the ego has spun out of control? Have I totally forgotten that I am part of the Everything, the I Am that I Am?

The story is that I have this moment. The spin is that this moment is boring- not fulfilling and must be filled up with stuff to feel better. Yeah, pretty much sounds like the ego to me!

I decided to just look at one of my favorite things in the world, a tree. I don't know why I love trees so much exactly, but I do. They are still and strong and beautiful and I always start to remember, or at least remember that I have forgotten, who I am.

I looked at the tree for just a moment and breathed and felt the feeling. Feeling less bored, more in the moment. Looked a litte longer. Feeling less restless, more peaceful.

I stopped feeling the urge to fix and do and cover the boredom up with "being productive". I stopped feeling like I needed to speed through the moment so I could act out my plans and "do my life".

Here's an experiment: Next time you are feeling bored or restless or anxious or you don't know what, ask yourself some questions. What are you feeling? What story have you created to justify this feeling? What if you did not try to get through the moment so you could stop feeling that way, but just stayed in the moment and remembered that this is a feeling?

Perhaps look at a tree or a flower or your kids playing and remember that this feeling is not you, it is a story the ego is spinning. Then that gives you some space to remember who you really are- you are the peace that you are craving, the love you desire.

Let me know what happens!