You Can Have Anything You Want!

Sometime ago, when I was in a half-asleep, half-awake state, I heard a voice say to me "You can have anything you want." Almost instantly, I became panicked and terrified. I started to breathe shallowly and it took me a bit to calm down and get oriented.

You would think that the prospect of having anything I wanted would be an exciting discovery- a glorious truth. It is true. I can have anything I want...and so can you. So, why the fear? After becoming still about it and going through my day I realized the dilemma I was facing that was causing such terror. I had been giving up what I wanted for the sake of others. I had been sacrificing my desires, denying myself, betraying myself because I held the belief that it was an either/or proposition. In other words, if I wanted something, say, a friendship, I needed to give something up, like my preferences or tastes, for that friendship to survive. Was this true? I mean, did I really need to do that to keep a friendship? I had certainly set it up that way. It seemed to work that way with no complaint from the other person. But, was it really true?

In my peaceful space, it was certainly not. I could have a thriving friendship and not deny who I was or what I wanted or what I thought. But, in that wounded, fearful belief, it was just not possible to maintain a friendship and not deny myself. After all, I had set it up that way and played it out over and over again.

I believe that many women often hold a version of this belief whether consciously or unconsciously. It can come up in your marriage, your relationship with your kids, your in-laws, even yourself. What have you been denying of yourself in order to keep up the front of perfection, happiness, or harmony? Does the prospect of having anything you want frighten you? If it does, it may be that you think you need to sacrifice your relationships to get what you really want. But, then again, if you can have anything you want, then you could have relationships and everything else, no?

If you are not sure what you believe about this, here's a little guide. Does asking for what you want make you a little anxious? Do you ever apologize to others for no reason? Are you hesitant to tell your loved ones what you really think? Do you ever put your needs after others? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may be holding the belief of "I can't have what I truly want and have close relationships-one or the other must go." Do some exploring within yourself. You may find what is holding you back..

Opening the Forgotten Door

When I have gone and continue to go through phases where I am discovering and looking at some of my wounded beliefs, I do not feel particularly great. The wound is like a child pounding on the door, trying to get in, trying to get my attention, and I have spent so much of my life not wanting to open the door that I have stopped hearing the pounding. Then when I am ready to address the neglected child, I feel awful in a dozen ways. I don't really want to open the door for fear of what is behind it. Then when I do open the door, I see myself in this little person who just wants to have my attention and love. I worry that perhaps I've waited too long to answer, or that the neglect has taken its toll and that the child is too much for me to handle, in that, the wounds are too deep.

But I have learned after going through this process over and over that although it feels yucky and like walking through mud, it not only gets easier and less muddy, it starts to feel better after a while. Then I come out of the process with a renewed sense of wellness and strength and peace. I realized that the process was worth it. I've also realized that if I am facing this wound, I can handle it. I am ready and able. If I don't feel that I am up to it, that's OK, too. There will be plenty of opportunities in this lifetime or the next to address it again.

Lastly, going through the process puts me in the the realm of warriors. If I can visualize myself as a warrior of sorts, that is, someone who is courageous and open enough to face the unknown and handle what comes, then I feel supported and safe enough to open that door and just observe what is there. I don't have to do anything, just look at it for what it is. A small scared child looking for its mother for comfort. And I know that I can do that.

So, if you've been putting off looking at some beliefs that are based on a wound ("I am not enough", "I don't deserve good things", "I am not lovable" are some examples), here are some questions to consider. What do you think is stopping you in just looking at these beliefs? Do you think you need to take action in some way once you discover them? What do you think would happen if you just opened the door and observed what was there? If you anticipate that you would need help and support, can you imagine what that would look like? (mentor, coach, therapist, good friend...) Let me know what comes up for you

Letting Go Allows For More

I recently had a powerful experience in letting go of a person that was not quite right for me. I was looking for a person or group to receive and give support for a specific project that we would be doing each on our own. This person would be a sounding board, encourager, challenger, prodder and then we'd switch roles and I would be the same for him/her.

So, I sent out my request and received an email back fairly quickly. I eagerly called him back and almost immediately got a "hit" inside that this was not the right person. There was a part of me, the habitual part, that wanted to keep trying to make it work. Even to the extent of making this relationship another project. Maybe if I get to know this person more, I'll discover something really neat that will make it all worth while. Maybe he just needs more time for me to get to know him. Now, there was nothing wrong with this person, but he was not the right person for me to work with. I held on to that notion of me fixing him to suit me for a while and at the same time, the "hit" kept coming. "Do not settle." "Let him go." "Don't worry about finding someone else."

A tug-o-war was ensuing inside me. I was afraid to let go because I feared I would hurt his feelings, that I wouldn't find anyone else, and he possessed some expertise that I was looking for a partner. I was trying to convince myself that perhaps it was a sign that this person was the right one despite my feelings screaming "this doesn't feel good!"

So, I dropped it all. I decided to take the risk of not holding on and follow my feelings. I had to come back to the basics of following my feelings. If it doesn't feel good and I'm not happy, I'm not going forward. I ended up writing an email to him and despite my ego telling me he'd be hurt deeply, he seemed pretty OK. I was not settling. I'll wait.

And literally, the moment after I sent that email, another popped into my inbox. It was another person answering my request. I called her immediately and we chatted. It felt good. It felt right. And we started the support group for the project.

So, here's an experiment to try: Are you holding on to anything or anyone for any reason besides that it feels right and good to you? Why are you holding on? What are your fears/concerns of letting go? If you thought it was possible to receive a new and perhaps better fitting thing or person into your life (including yourself), would you consider letting go? Remember that letting go is a great way to free you up to see more possibilities than you could even imagine...

Thanksgiving Reflections

I feel that I mark time by the holidays, particularly Thanksgiving. I think back to last year's Thanksgiving and see where I have come from. I ponder what next year's Thanksgiving will be like. Invariably, it surprises me. The twists and turns of life allow me to land in different places from one year to the next without any obviously pattern that I can see. However, I know the Universe has a larger view. One that makes perfect sense. One that makes a beautiful piece of music out of what sometimes sounds like a bunch random melodies.

Last year I was embarking upon a new branch of my business in hopes that would catapult me into entrpreneurial greatness. I was focused like a laser beam on my marketing campaign. My kids were fine, as far as I thought. My marriage was moving right along, although I was going to save my family with my business and become fabulously weathly, confident, admired, a leader, a supermom. Then after Thanksgiving, it all fell apart and I walked and sometimes crawled through my valley of darkness, finally emerging with a remembering about who I really am. Thank God for crisis.

Fast forward to this Thanksgiving. I continue to remember who I really am and then I forget and then remember again. I am balancing my family life and a new business life much better. I have childcare! I am focusing on what I have, and what I do, and most importantly, who I am, RIGHT NOW. I like what I see. I feel closer to my friends and see more love, compassion, and light from them than I ever have.

I feel like I get Thanksgiving more than I have before. That is a very exciting twist for me. If you are at a loss right now, try this. What is going on right now that you feel thanks for? Are you breathing? Do you have water? A bed? Food? Go back to the basics if you need. It is all around you, if you allow yourself to see it. Use what you have now as a springboard to new events, people, things that you want. But, you must be willing to see what you have now to get there.

Happy Thanksgiving and I thank you for being here.

Greatness? Yeah, Baby!

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson

I saw this quote in my friend Kim Collins' blog: www.doulamomma.blogspot.com this morning. I've seen it a number of times since I first heard it in my late 20's. I remember it shocked me and I could feel the welling of tears in my eyes when I let it sink in. I've got power beyond measure? That's what I'm afraid of? My purpose is to express that power and let my own light shine and perhaps inspire others to do the same?

Looking back, it is very clear to me that, in fact, I was terrified to express my power and yet was trying in earnest to figure out who I was and what I was supposed to be doing here. I just didn't want to cause anyone else any discomfort in that process. I didn't want to rock the boat. "Maybe I'll just be quietly great over in this corner where noone will notice and feel threatened" I would think. It took me more than 15 years to come to the conclusion that part of being great and expressing my power was letting go of the fear of threatening others.

Now, as I create and build upon my business of sharing tools and supporting other women in the process of becoming awake and more conscious in their day-to-day lives, this quote rings true to me. Yes, that is the fear. I hear it and see it over and over again. I experienced and continue to experience it for myself. But, one of the biggest payoffs of letting your power through is watching other's get inspired to do the same. It is so worth facing the fear and realizing that the fear is the illusion.

Give it a try. What's stopping you from being great and in your power? What are you afraid of? Are you violating a rule in your family? Is this a taboo for you to do things differently than generations of other women? What do you think would happen if you started to consider that your life could be great? Go through the "what ifs" until you have exhausted them. Where do they lead? Then, try a different set of "what ifs"- that is, "what if I decided to act with more power and my kids think it's great?" and then "What if I get offered this great opportunity and I take it?" etc. Decide what scenarios suit you best and then focus on them. If the others start happening, consider that you may be able to handle it and it will lead to better things. Let me know how it goes! Leave a comment...

Are You Kidding Me?

I've been searching for a NJ driver's manual in Spanish this past week. There are manuals you can access online, but none in Spanish. I thought that before I make the trek to a local office, I'd call the NJ Motor Vehicle Commission (MVC) and ask. When I asked for this manual, I was put on hold for about 5 minutes and then the woman said that there are none. They ran out a couple of months ago, it's being revised, and she has no idea when they are coming out.

"Are you kidding me?" I thought. "So, if someone is Spanish-dominant and wants to get their driver's license, they don't have a manual to study for the test?" I asked. "Yes." she replied "Well, we ran out of the English, as well, and it took a while for that to come out again." I asked for her supervisor, and supervisor's supervisor etc. and guess where they were? Of course, in a meeting. The next people up are the state legislators for my county (Essex). I went to their site and sent an email. I felt mildly better. I watched my feelings as this was happening. I was frustrated and angry that my state had allowed itself to not meet my needs and the needs of others who live here and are Spanish-speaking. In Essex county, it is significant group.

Then I calmed down. OK. Getting angry at this woman was not helpful for anyone. What to do? I did have a solution. I knew someone who had the manual- I'll just copy it. But, what about other people who did not have that solution? My feelings were getting hot again. This is injustice! They can't even get access to a Spanish manual online. My righteousness was on the loose! My ego was engaged.

I took a few deep breaths and let it go. I sent my email to ask for help. I don't know what to do next, but it will come to me IF I remain grounded and calm. I started to feel grateful that the reason I even needed this manual was because I have an au pair who is invaluable to our family. I was grateful that I had the skills to figure out who to write to and ask for help. I was grateful that we still have time before she has to change her license and has a friend with the manual. I was grateful that this was the biggest problem I've had this week and I was able to come up with a solution quickly. I was in a good place. A place where I can receive the information I need to make the next step. A place where I can observe my feelings and see which are serving me and which are depleting me of power.

The anger was a signal that things were not of my liking and I needed a change. Then when I observed it and was able to get some perspective, I could act from a place of power. I even got an idea that worked. I have faith that coming back to this place again and again will continue to feed me and inspire me to take the action that serves me and everyone else in the best way possible.

Give it a try. The next time you have a strong reaction to a situation, observe it and feel it completely. Don't try to change it, but remember that it is not who you are. It is a feeling you are having. If you are feeling overwhelmed by it, take a deep breath and let it out until you feel a little more grounded. What is this feeling telling you? It is there to give you information. You do not have to take action based on it. Is it telling you about what you want or what you don't want? If the later, see if you can focus on what you do want. How does that feel? Can you feel any gratitude about the situation? Is there an action you need to take now that will help? If so, do it. If in doubt, wait a little and see what happens. Send a comment and let us know how it goes..

Update: Two hours later I got a call from the state legislator's office. They are getting a couple of Spanish manuals delivered to their office and an assistant is dropping off at my house within a week or so. I think I have more gratitude to express!
Update#2: Got an email a few hours later from a friend who read the blog. She is very conversant with NJ MVC and sent me a link to download the driver's manual in Spanish that I spent hours looking for (and workers told me did not exist). I was floored, thanked her, and thanked the Universe for its speedy service!

Are You Worth It?

I've had a number of discussions recently about worth and how we do things in order to feel that we are "earning our keep". I've made some progress on this one, but it still trips me up from time to time. I have done things to prove to myself and others that I am worthy. I have done things out of fear of losing something important and not so important. I have done things for many, many reasons that were not from the heart.

But when I allow myself to get grounded and remember who I really am, I can see all the doing from those less powerful places as unnecessary and often self-defeating. When I remember who I really am, my GodSelf, I remember that I need nothing from the outside. I create from an inspired, loving place. It's not from a place of need for money or fame or accolades. It is not a place of guilt or obligation. It's a place of love and power and living in abundance. It is a reflection of my true worth. It can never come close to my unlimited value, but can reflect that I am in need of nothing because I already possess all that I need.

I was teaching my course this week and we were discussing "jumping off the cliff". That is, taking action on a dream. I said "You have nothing to lose. You have nothing to prove. You have nothing to earn. Your purpose is to experience the joy and create from that place."

Now, many have argued that they have a lot of lose from following a dream. Their income, their houses, and their families could fall into jeopardy. I am not saying that you should abandon your family and join the circus if you think you want to be a clown. But, you could look into clown school while keeping an income going and seeing what it holds for you. Why is following a dream mutually exclusive with having family and prosperity?

I would also answer that not following their dream could result in losing important people and things. It is an illusion to think that life is not constantly in motion. Change happens all the time. You can't keep things the same because they never are. However, if you really create from the place of pure joy and love and abundance, the result will always be joyful, loving, and abundant. There will be times of challenge and doubt. That's part of the ride of life. The trick is how you perceive and approach these times.

If you live your life from a fearful place, you are more likely to lose the things you afraid to lose. If you live your life from a joyful place, you are more likely to create more joy in your life. You will be able to deal with any loss and more and more life will be flowing great things to you. You also have to approach all of life with this joy. That means feeling joy in your present job, in your present home, and with your present spouse. It doesn't mean you need to stay where you are, but to see the best in it in order to attract and create more of the best. And it will be better and better as you allow these feelings to grow in you.

For instance, if your marriage is not going as well as you'd like, decide what is going well in it and focus on that- even if you don't think the marriage is going to make it. Be truthful and kind and see what can be resolved. Ask for what you want and encourage your mate to do the same. If you are being abused, get out and get help and see this as a wake-up call for both you and your mate about how to love yourselves. Focus on how you do love yourself and create from that place.

If your job is not fulfilling, see what you do love or like about it. Why do you love these activities so much? What feeling states are you wanting in your career? See if you can feel those right now. Focus on that part while being truthful about what you don't feel good about. Can you stop doing the parts you don't like? Can you talk to your boss about how things are going for you and negotiate for more tasks that include your strengths and joys? If you can work on being joyful in your job then you are much more likely not only to attract more joy from your present position, but also attract positions that contain more joyful activities and people.

Are you getting the idea here? Feel the feelings you want right now. Those feelings that reflect your worthiness. Then create from that place. The world is waiting for you to remember your true worth and follow your dream.