Becoming Awake

Manifesting Tip #3- Enjoy the Ride!

2010-02-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

Here's another Manifesting Tip. This one is about the importance of enjoying the ride!

If this helped and you want more information, go to ExtraordinaryAbundance.com and click on "Abundance Secret"! Send me questions or comments!

More Manifesting Tips- What to do when you are stuck!

2010-01-13T10:37:00.000-08:00

Here's another free Manifesting and Law of Attraction Tip video for ya...this one was with "hat head"! Awesome...

Please send me feedback and let me know if this helps you out!

Manifesting Abundance By Being in Harmony with the Law of Attraction

2010-01-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, but I've been busy starting a FREE video series on manifesting abundance in your life. Here's the first one!

If you are liking this, check out more juicy tips and secrets at http://www.ExtraordinaryAbundance.com

Love your comments and questions, please leave them!!

Julie and Julia

2009-12-16T08:12:00.000-08:00

I just saw Julie and Julia this weekend ( I know, it takes us a while...) and I really enjoyed it. I've heard from others that they loved Julia but didn't care for Julie. I was no different. Why is that?

Sure, Meryl Streep is an actress at the top of her field and portrayed Julia so well. But, Amy Adams is also a good actress who portrayed her character well ( the little I know of her in real life).

For me, the big difference in feeling about the characters has less to do with the actors and more to do with the people they played. Julia is bubbly, joyful, abundant, clear, passionate. She is true to herself and stopped caring what others think early in her life. She loves her husband Paul with a passion and still loves herself enough to go for what she wanted in life.

Julie is portrayed as someone who complains, suffers, is victimized, is lost and confused. She is never satisfied with herself or her husband. She makes goals but gets lost in them. The journey is not fun for her. It becomes a burden that must always be validated and approved. She worships Julia as her savior and becomes little obsessed.

No wonder everyone prefers Julia! Julia represents our HigherSelves. She embodies the qualities that we aspire to- she is forever optimistic, honest, loyal, true, and never runs from the obstacles put in her way. She is forever faithful to herself and her knowing that it's all fine the way it is-even in dire circumstances.

Julie represents our egos. She embodies our tendency to see the trouble in things, the pressures that we create, the dependence we have on others for approval or validation, and our focus on the outside to dictate the inside.

Eventually, Julie triumphs but not without a whole lot of trouble. Julia has fun in her work and everything corresponds to that- her husband hangs out with her in the kitchen, fellow chefs find her and seek her out, a friend helps her find a publisher for her cookbook.

We don't want to think of Julie because she reminds us (or maybe just me)of that part of myself (the egoic part) that I buy into when things are going "badly" or "too well".

But, it is good that she is there. She highlights the Julia in us and when Julie does finally get what she wants, it is only because she shifts into Julia mode- she starts to enjoy the ride!

Are you Julia or Julie right now? Clear or confused, focused or scattered, confident and calm or worried? Watch Julia and Julie and get inspired to shift into Julia mode.

No Problem and 10,000 Solutions

2009-08-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

I went to the movies recently and a 7 year old child said "Wouldn't it be cool if there was a movie and the story was about about no problem and 10,000 solutions?"

I immediately thought that she had started to read the Tao Te Ching or was channeling Lao-Tzu.

She explained further about what she meant. To paraphrase, the story would be that someone would be just living their life and get something really cool (like an ice cream cone) and be thrilled.

I agreed that, yes, that would be "super cool".

And maybe, that's how it can be, if we allow ourselves to see it that way.

Perhaps our lives can be without problems and 10,000 solutions. In other words, we can see life's challenges as just that- not problems or dramas, but challenges and opportunities to view the unlimited solutions that are available if we can get out of "problem mode" and into "solution mode".

I know it can be a challenge, at times, to see what is happening in your life as an opportunity. In fact, in the moment, it may feel extremely painful, lonely, or at least a pain in the butt, but it is all created by you, for you. Even when it feels like it is all against you.

Experiencing ugliness allows you to appreciate beauty, hunger allows you to enjoy food. When we stay in the ugliness or the hunger because of our minds, we postpone the beautiful food that can be in our midst. When we are no longer condemning the ugliness, we can access the beauty in everything.

And, yes, there are many people in the world that experience daily horror and terror, hunger and violation. I would often focus on how horrible it all was and be stymied about what to do. I would be overwhelmed by the problem and be closed off to the solutions. But in those experiences as well, there is an opportunity for the world to see the 10,000 solutions that exist right now.

There is enough food in the world to feed the world. There are projects that assist families in wellness, as well as, emotional and financial ways. Local communities are shifting their awareness of how members, particularly women and girls, are treated. Little by little, folks are becoming aware of the myriad of solutions regarding economic scarcity. Does there need to be more of this? Absolutely! Join in!

We are in fact joined together in mutual liberation in these experiences. It is not about being in denial, it is exactly the opposite. It is stating what is without drama or judgment. It is about awareness that we have all that is necessary for our joy.

When we focus on the opportunity- instead of the "problem"- we gain access to the possibilities, the solutions, and we all expand and evolve together.

How do you experience the challenges of your life? Are they problems with no solutions? Are you overwhelmed and frightened or inspired to see how it all unfolds? Can you see the 10,000 solutions?

Appreciation and Letting Go to Manifest Your Desires

2009-08-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

On Saturday morning, the piano from my childhood, where I learned "Chop Sticks" and Mozart, was delivered to my home. It had spent many years at my brother's home where my nieces had learned how to play and now they were off to college and careers.

Having the piano here was something I had desired for a while, but moving it here seemed complicated to me. It seemed more expensive to move than it was worth.

Then, when my eldest daughter expressed a desire to learn the instrument, my husband suggested we finally pluck it from my brother's house. There was a guy who did moving at my husband's work who was willing to do it for a favor and we made plans.

Great, not complicated!

On Saturday morning, when my husband and the team of men arrived, he immediately came up to the front door to deliver some "bad" news before I noticed. "It got damaged."

Perhaps it is not as uncomplicated as it seemed.

"Oh.." I thought. Let's see. They got the piano inside and it looks like it really needed a chiropractor. Its back was uneven, as if it was twisted.

The moving guys were really mortified and when I mentioned that the piano was from my childhood years, they felt even worse.

Apparently, it fell in the truck.

After they left and I studied the keys (some were inaudible and other stuck) I immediately went into blame mode. "Why did I let guys, with no piano moving experience, move a piano?" "How could it have fallen?" "Why didn't I just pay some more money and get insured movers?"

I realized with time that I was not OK with this situation. My husband told me to start calling piano repair people. I was trying to avoid complications, and yet here I was, in a situation that was getting more complicated. "Trying to avoid" anything usually brings to the fore, right?

I got appointments with two repair men to give estimates of repairing the damage. The first one arrived on Wednesday morning and looked the instrument over. "I would condemn it" he said. It would take at least $1000 to repair plus moving costs. The piano was worth only about $400. "It's totaled." "I've never seen this type of damage before" he added.

After he left I emailed my husband with the sad news and decided to cancel the 2nd repair estimate. Then I went upstairs and looked for consolation in my latest Wayne Dyer read Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life which is about the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching. The verse it opened on was about letting go of attachments.

Yes, I was really attached. I was attached to a $400 upright Hammond piano. I was attached to my fond memories of making music on this piano and then hearing my daughters do the same. I was attached to the sounds of a piano in my home. It had been out of my life for more than 20 years and then back for 4 days and I was really attached.

Then I opened another book at a random page and it talked about how temporary everything is. "This, too, shall pass", a phrase my mother repeated many times in my childhood, was sitting on this page for me to see. My favorite part, which was also in the Wayne Dyer book, was that in a seemingly terrible ending is a beginning.

I clung to that one. What's the beginning here? What beginning can the end of this piano bring to me? And then, I decided that all I can do now is be sad. Allow the sadness to come and not try to change it.

The rest of the day, more or less, I was sad. I was grieving the end of my days and my kids' days of music with this piano.

My husband encouraged me to have the 2nd repairman (Richard Ziss) see the piano after all. I was hesitant to waste his time, but left a second message to have him come anyway.

He arrived and looked at the piano the same way the 1st man did. Taking off exterior pieces of the piano cabinet and explaining the damage. Then he got out a mallet, raised the piano off the ground, and using another piece of wood to protect the piano, he began to bang the piano cabinet. I left the room. It was like watching a doctor continue to try to perform CPR to a lifeless body.

The pounding stopped and I returned to the room. "Well, it's back in place." He said matter-of-factly. He ran his fingers up the keyboard. They sounded great! No stuck or inaudible keys.

"Oh, my God! You did it!" I exclaimed.
"Yep."
"The other guy said it was condemned...."
"I've heard that before. Sometimes, these old pianos just need some adjusting..."

I couldn't believe it. I had said good-bye to this poor twisted instrument that I hadn't really appreciated until I learned that it was leaving, and now someone just made it so it can stay.

He explained what other repairs needed to be done to protect from future problems and made an appointment to return next week to finish up. He charged me just a couple hundred dollars for all the repairs and tuning. Money gladly spent.

I realized that there was a lot to learn here. The biggest lesson for me was that appreciation can create miracles. Through the damage sustained in moving the piano, I appreciated the music we created with the piano. Through the potential loss of the piano, I appreciated the instrument itself and all the joy it brought me in childhood and now. Through the process of getting another opinion, I appreciated the repairman who fixed it (and the one who could not) and my husband. I also appreciated hearing and watching my kids enjoy the piano. You can find out more about appreciation creating miracles through the Abundance Course.

The second lesson was that letting go is so important in manifesting. I had to let go when the piano was damaged, when I got the news of it being "condemned", and in being sad. Then I had to let go of the prognosis that I was sure was final and see what Richard had to say.

Here's the experiment: What are you holding on to that could be holding back a dream? What could you be appreciating that can help you in allowing your dream to come to fruition? Are you feeling like it is just not possible? That's OK. Allow yourself to grieve your attachment to your dream and know it is an ending that brings a beginning. Then let it all go and appreciate the opportunity to acknowledge the attachment. Letting go of the attachment is what makes you free. That's what makes it not matter whether it all happens or not. And when you appreciate what you have and let go of what you desire, it allows for miracles. Either way, you are whole.

Need a piano repaired or tuned? Gotta call my "Miracle Piano Man" Richard Ziss: 973 325-5052 or pianoman07059@aol.com

Daring to Be Happy

2009-07-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

I got a recommendation from a good friend to see a movie called Happy Go Lucky. It's an interesting film about a British primary school teacher who is almost always happy. The beginning credits show her riding her bike through the streets of London, enjoying the ride, relaxed and...happy.

For me, the most striking aspect of the film was how people reacted to this young kind woman. Some of the characters were is various states of pain and sadness and either ignored her, berated her, or blamed her for their misery.

It stayed with me because this was my excuse for not being happy. It was my fear. I might offend someone. I might threaten someone. I might remind someone that they don't feel good and they'd take it out on me. I might be betraying some unspoken agreement for both of us to stay unhappy and unfulfilled.

It was not until I was really sick of being unhappy that I was willing to risk the consequences of being happy. I was willing to let go of the fear of change and experiment with being happy. I was willing to let go of relationships that could not survive the change. I was daring to be happy.

That's what happens with this woman in the film. You never see her blame the other person. She has empathy and compassion for the pain of the other person, but she does not allow it to deter her from her own happiness. In some cases, she has to let go of relationships.

What's stopping you from being happy (or passionate or abundant or loving)? What are you afraid will happen? Who might be affected by this change? Will you be breaking an agreement with someone?

Now that you have those answers, are you ready to let go and see what happens if you allow yourself to be happy? Can you let go of caring about what others think about you and dare to be happy?

Do this experiment for a week and let me know what happens!

Is Boredom the Ego?

2009-07-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at the computer recently and found myself feeling bored. This is hard to imagine if you knew that I'm a mother of three young children and running a business out of my house. But, there are times when there is not much to do. In fact, I have purposely made it so. I could be cleaning something or writing something (like a blog post?) or "fixing something". Still, everyone seemed to be accounted for in the family and I didn't have the desire to do any of the above.

The first impulse was to call or IM someone, but suddenly I realized that it was covering up the feeling and I wanted to see why I felt that way. Boredom, to me, feels like restlessness. Uninspired, low energy that is not easily remedied. There is an underlying anxiety to it.

"What should I do now?" "How do I make this moment move more quickly so I can get back into the action that I call 'my life'?" There were definite plans for later in the day, but none right now. How could I be bored? This gap in a busy schedule rarely happens, but when it does, it feels...not so good.

Here's the big question: Is this boredom I am feeling just the ego? Is it just a story that the ego has spun out of control? Have I totally forgotten that I am part of the Everything, the I Am that I Am?

The story is that I have this moment. The spin is that this moment is boring- not fulfilling and must be filled up with stuff to feel better. Yeah, pretty much sounds like the ego to me!

I decided to just look at one of my favorite things in the world, a tree. I don't know why I love trees so much exactly, but I do. They are still and strong and beautiful and I always start to remember, or at least remember that I have forgotten, who I am.

I looked at the tree for just a moment and breathed and felt the feeling. Feeling less bored, more in the moment. Looked a litte longer. Feeling less restless, more peaceful.

I stopped feeling the urge to fix and do and cover the boredom up with "being productive". I stopped feeling like I needed to speed through the moment so I could act out my plans and "do my life".

Here's an experiment: Next time you are feeling bored or restless or anxious or you don't know what, ask yourself some questions. What are you feeling? What story have you created to justify this feeling? What if you did not try to get through the moment so you could stop feeling that way, but just stayed in the moment and remembered that this is a feeling?

Perhaps look at a tree or a flower or your kids playing and remember that this feeling is not you, it is a story the ego is spinning. Then that gives you some space to remember who you really are- you are the peace that you are craving, the love you desire.

Let me know what happens!

Manifesting From the Heart

2009-07-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my husband drove in our new Toyota Prius hybrid car. I was thrilled. The kids were excited to meet our new family member "Priscilla Prius" (our mini-van was named "Sienna" since it was a Toyota Sienna).

I had manifested this car from my heart.

Huh?

Let me clarify.

Several years ago, before children and suburban living, we were car-less and loved it. Living in NYC didn't require a car and if we did need one, we'd rent a zipcar.

Then after our first child was born and we decided to live in a place that did not require climbing 5 flights of stairs, we bought a VW Passat, my husband's desired car. I wanted a hybrid, but they were out of price range for us. In other words, I let the "how", that is, price, get into my psyche and before I knew it, I was riding in the VW.

It was great! It served us well, and my husband promised a hybrid as our next car.

Speed up 4 years later and we're selling the Passat....for a mini-van. What happened? I was pregnant with our third and our options for vehicles were narrowing as our size of family was widening. At least that was what I told myself as I looked around at the hundreds of mini-vans we saw around us. Once again, the "how" dominated the equation. We'd never be able to fit 3 kids in a Prius, right? The other hybrids were not as great as reported, so I'd wait.

Then, as I was dropping my younger daughter at an appointment, I noticed some friends in their Prius. " I'd love one of these, but with three kids, it doesn't work", I lamented. My friend asked me to check out the back seat. He had three carseats snuggly set, ready for their brood of twins and an older child.

I couldn't believe it. "How'd you do that?" I riddled him with questions. "How you'd get those carseats?" "When did you buy it?" "Do you like it?"

It was then that it hit me that having a hybrid was really within my grasp. We could fit our whole family in this car. The times when we have more than 5 people amounts to perhaps twice a year. We could rent an extra for those times.

The "hows" of this manifestation were cleared.

The "whys" were becoming more clear, as well. Having a hybrid would be in keeping with my values. It would be more environmentally sound and save money. It would be pro-active in breaking the country's addiction to oil and getting us out of compromising relationships with oil-rich countries. It short, this was a manifestation from the heart. It reflected my heart and what I wanted for my world.

Still, I wasn't sure it would pass with my husband. I floated the idea with no attachment to the result. At first he was doubtful and then by the next day he was looking a Consumer Reports. This is always a good sign.

Before I knew it he wanted me to pick out colors for interiors. Then he calculated that between trading in our van, getting a better loan, and saving on gas, we would be spending less on this car than the van. All good news!

And today, 5 weeks later, we have our new Prius, my heartfelt manifestation, in our garage. It's a beautiful sight.

In case I was not clear in this story, manifestation is influenced by "whys" and "hows". The "why"s usually help to expand your vision and inspire you to continue or not. Think about why you want something. Is it for the ego or for the heart? Does it make up for something you think you lack in your life or is it a confirmation of your highest self?

Now, for the "hows". "How"s tend to contract the vision. When you start trying to figure out the "how"s you usually get discouraged, overwhelmed and the manifestation dies out or is delayed. Let the Universe figure out the hows.

When I started to think about the hows of having the car, I got discouraged and then my thoughts and feelings stopped matching the desire for the car. They reflected that is was not possible. It delayed the manifestation for years.

Then, when it was revealed that this would work and not all the reasons how it couldn't, I had no reason for delay. It was a sign from the Universe to have faith in my desire and not worry about the "how"s. (I could have easily dismissed it as a unique situation that would not work for me.)

The trick with future manifestations is having that faith that the "hows" would work themselves out before it is revealed. That probably would have brought the car even earlier to me. (In truth, it was fine either way..)

Just Be Present

2009-07-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

If I bothered to look at past posts I would most likely see quotes from the animated film Kung-Fu Panda, but at risk of being repetitive, I want to write this one again.

It's that important.

Here it is: "The past is a mystery. Tomorrow is history. But, today is a gift....that's why they called it 'the present'." The kung-fu sage turtle says this to Po, the chubby, dumpling-loving, kung-fu master hopeful.

Gotta love it. Don't worry about the past, don't concern yourself with the future. Just Be Present. And I will add to that. When you are present, you are your present (or gift) to the world.

I get asked fairly often about why we are here in the world. What is our mission? How do you know if you are on the right path?

If you are in the here and now, you are on the right path. If you are present to yourself and others, you are fulfilling your mission.

What? Come on. That's not practical. There must be something I need to do, right? Specifically, what do I do? This is often the response.

I totally get this. I've asked the same questions and on occasion, I have the same doubts about the simplicity of this statement. And, I always come back to the same conclusion.

When I am present, I am not resistant to what is. When I am accepting of what is, I can see all the options out there for me. When I am present, I am clear and if action is necessary, I can take clear, effective action in the direction that feels best. How do I know if feels best? I am present. I am at peace.

How do you become present? Get still and quiet. Sometimes I close my eyes and just listen to my breathing. Sometimes and I sit and look at a tree and feel its stillness. (Trees awaken us to our stillness. Gotta love 'em!) Sometimes I watch my children laugh and play and see their presence in what they are attending to. Children are very present. I become aware if my mind is focusing on the past or future instead of enjoying what's happening right now.

Give it your attention and see what gifts the present reveals to you.

Befriending the Moment

2009-07-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

I've been re-reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. (I highly recommend it, if you haven't already picked up a copy.) It's been a year or so since my last reading and it always surprises me how much I rediscover from a book like this.

This makes sense considering how much I've changed since the last reading. I've grown and stretched and fallen and gotten up again. I've slowed down and sped up and slowed down again.

One passage that got my attention, although it was one of many, was about what our relationship is with the Now, this moment. How are we treating this moment? Tolle puts out four possibilities for how we treat the Now: as a friend, as an obstacle, as a means to an end, or as an enemy.

It stopped me in my tracks. I thought about how many times in the day that I rush through activities because I want to get to the end. How I treat much of my time in overcoming perceived obstacles. That there are even times when I feel as if the moment is against me.

Then I realized why I've had this urge for the past month to just slow down. It is precisely to look at this most important relationship. To make give myself the space to make friends. To break the pattern of doing, once again, and relax into "being".

It never fails to be fruitful without me trying to make it that. It always is surprisingly effortless and abundant. It never ceases to be peaceful when I let go of all the cookey and seemingly rational reasons to keep going the way I've been and just "be" and let "it" be as it is.

If you dare to reflect upon how you relate to your world, consider this question: How's life treating you? How are you treating life and, most importantly, this moment? Are you friends with the Now or are you making it something else? Let me know what comes up for you...

How a 5 year old uses the Law of Attraction!

2009-06-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

So, we just, I mean, just finished cleaning up after my daughter's 5 th birthday party. It was a big kiddie party for us. About 20 kids, lots of cupcakes, running around, jewelry making, and conversation. The weather totally came through and we had just enough sun and then the rains came after the last kid departed.

For me, the most amazing stuff happened way before the party. For the past few weeks, I have witnessed my daughter totally in flow with the Law of Attraction. Using it to manifest exactly what she wanted for her party, her gifts, her experience. She has really inspired me with her innate ability (we are all born to do this!) to have desires, feel good about them, draw and write about them, put them up to look at them, be grateful for them and then, let it all go knowing that it will all come to her.

I watched her, day after day, week after week, tell me what she wanted for her birthday, draw picture after picture, label all the pictures with her best "bubble letters", put her pictures on the wall. She even drew herself accepting gifts and then wearing the gifts.

I loved watching her get excited about the idea of getting and enjoying these items. But, what really blew me away was her faith that it was all coming and that she'd be fine no matter what.

I asked her what she was grateful for and immediately she started naming these gifts about which she has been wishing to possess. I asked her how she could be grateful since she has not received them. "But, I will get them, Mom" she replied matter-of-factly. And then her sister chimed in, "And if you don't get them for your birthday, you'll get them at Christmas, right?" My daughter nodded, as if to say, "Mom, that's the way it works. Don' t you know?"

Wow! I was blown away by how strong this knowing is. The knowing that we are born to be happy and joyful. The knowing that we can have faith that our desires will be manifested sooner or later and so we can relax and be at peace. That we can be grateful before we receive knowing that it will happen, if we believe.

At the party today, she received 4 of the 6 or 7 items on her list. She was thrilled. There was no disappointment that things were not exactly matched. She was also equally thrilled by the gifts that were not on her list. She kept saying "This was the best birthday party I ever had!" all through the morning.

I thank my daughter for showing me and reminding me how it's done. Know your desires, write them down, visualize them, put them up on the wall to remind you, have faith in their eventual appearance, and let go. 'Cause it's really not about the stuff, it's about the wisdom that we are abundant, have the power to call forth what we desire, and that, no matter what, we are Divinely complete and whole.

Celebrate Before the Party

2009-06-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

I had planned a while ago to have a book signing party for my new book. I wanted to announce the book to the world, thank people who had helped, and take note of my accomplishment. This was all good.

Still, I felt that I wanted to celebrate in a more personal way apart from the party. I wanted to celebrate with myself that I had not only written a book, but had grown so much in the process. I had changed and stretched. I had gone out of my comfort zone quite a bit. I had faced limiting beliefs and revised them.

I have been seeing a healer for a few months and when I presented this dilemma of how to celebrate before the party, she had a recommendation.

She led me through some guided imagery where I watched my process of creating this book from the beginning. Then when I had the book in my hand, the manifestation of my desires, I was to celebrate.

I ended up with a few close friends in my backyard just talking in this scene. Then she had me congratulate myself. In this guided imagery, I was hugging myself. I was whispering messages of love and congratulations to myself. I was affirming myself.

It was very intense.

After the imagery was done. I felt complete. I felt that I had done the real celebration already.

Now I could have the party with no other expectation of just having fun and feel at peace. It did not have to fill any requirement for me.

And that is exactly what happened. I felt really relaxed, at peace, and abundant. Guests arrived with great energy feeling the same way. There was a lot of mingling and signing of books. There were at least 20 children at the party and everyone got along well.

So, here's something to consider: The next time you feel you need to get something from an experience, see if you can give it to yourself first. If you need some love, give it to yourself first. If you need encouragement, give it to yourself first. Imagine that you are sitting with yourself and telling yourself the message that you feel you need from others. Embrace yourself. Love yourself. Let me know what happens....

A Dream Come True

2009-05-20T15:42:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I last sat down to write a post. A lot has happened. I have received my book at last! Five hundred copies have been sitting in my dining room awaiting homes. I have enjoyed looking at all of them. Small and beautiful and powerful.

I took some time to reflect upon what has transpired over the last few months. The decision to write a book, selecting a topic, outlining and brainstorming, writing, editing, and rewriting, worrying, relaxing, have doubt and then faith in the process, facing challenges of technology and victories with uploading, tearing up seeing the cover for the first time and then finally, in print, has been a rewarding journey to say the least.

Now, I am marketing and selling books. It is amazing to me that I have gotten so far in this process that many years ago I thought was not possible. It is amazing to me how many people went out of their way to help me. I had help with editing, proofing, and listening for flow. I had support regularly to listen to my progress and when I was stuck. I had support with putting up my site that would feature the book. I've had support with selling and promoting my book.

My dream was strong, I believed I could do it and with that vision and belief, I attracted many others that would help me along the way. Today, my husband's cousin came to visit from Mexico. He's a talented photographer. He bought my book with enthusiasm and shot photos of me for future projects. I felt like Oprah Winfrey. Why? I am surrounded by people who are attracted to my dream and want to be part of it. How sweet is that?!

So I tell you this story because it never ceases to amaze me how you will be supported by the Universe if you desire, believe, take right action, and keep going. I tell you this story to inspire you to reflect on your dreams, believe in them, to act upon them, and to keep going.

Do you have a dream? Can you imagine it happening, even a little? Can you take any steps, even baby steps, in that direction? That's all you have to do. That, and keep going...you'll be amazed what happens and who shows up.

Curious about the book? Check it out at http://www.extraordinaryabundance.com

More than $10 Shoes

2009-04-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

The other week I heard about a kid's shoe sale in Maplewood, NJ- close to our home. The store, Tic-Tac-Toe, carrying high-quality children's shoes which usually sell for at least $40 each, was selling their old stock for $10 a pair. I decided to check it out, knowing that my 3 kids need shoes and sandals for the upcoming spring and summer.

I got there early, just as they were opening, expecting the hoards to arrive. The owner, a lovely man, took his time helping me find what I needed, going through the piles of boxes under this year's styles. He picked out what he thought seemed the best and greatest deals. Shortly, more and more folks arrived with kids in tow. He greeted them, but did not abandon me to deal with all these other customers. He even went in the back to find more shoes for me.

I asked him what inspired him to have this sale- especially since it had gone on for at least a week before I made the pilgrimage. He said that he wanted to give back to the community and that he wanted people to come out and see eachother and talk. He felt his duty to stimulate the economy.

I was impressed by his generosity, his courage, and his care. It is another sign of what the possibilities are in this time in our economy. We can focus on what we are losing or what we are gaining. We can focus on all the problems or what creative solutions we can imagine. We can panic and hoard our stuff or we can give more to others and in that generosity realize how much we have to give.

When we are focused on winning and losing, we are in our head. We are limited in our sight. We are not seeing the infinite possibilities. When we are not concerned with what we win or lose, we are heart-centered. We are seeing more and more of what is possible. We are expansive. We are who we are meant to be.

So, I thank this man from Tic-Tac-Toe. I thank him for reminding me why I'm here, why we are all here. Not for the bottom-line and acquiring the large pile, but to feel the joy of ourselves and others, perhaps in the face of child with pink, sparkly sandals.

Which way have you been viewing this time in history? With dread and moments of panic or with inspired ideas of opportunity and hope? Are you hoarding or giving? Are you feeling grateful or are you complaining? What story do you want to tell yourself and others about what's going on? Leave a comment, if you'd like...

Life on Wire

2009-04-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

I saw Man on Wire this past weekend. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. It is the true story of the famous high wire crossing between the North and South World Trade Center Towers in NYC by Phillipe Petitt. I remember it happening and hearing that the performer got arrested immediately afterward. As a child, I couldn't understand why they would arrest someone for doing such a miraculous, incredible act. My parents tried to explain that it was highly dangerous and someone could have gotten hurt or killed. My brain said "But, no one did get hurt and it was spectacular..."

As an adult watching this documentary and the six years of planning and replanning, and practicing, and traveling, and talking about Phillipe's dream, I gained a new focus about what's important about this event. It is a story about manifesting your dreams- even dreams that seem completely crazy and impossible. Even dreams that seem like they could kill you or destroy your life in some way if they do not work out the way you want.

Phillipe seems to have access to a part of himself that we all have, but most of us dare not go. His soul calls him and he must follow. He is obedient to his passions because he knows that following his dreams is the secret of living a full life. He follows even in the face of death and sees death in pursuit of his dreams as the only way to go.

He also inspired all the people he needed to make his dream come true. Those who helped him seemed to almost put their own lives on hold to plan with him. It was as if his soul was breathing life into theirs. They had little explanation for their devotion- some for the adventure, some for the inspiration, and others had no idea. Once again, when you have a strong enough belief for something, people appear to help you.

I started to think about my own life. Am I dreaming big enough? Am I living my life on wire? Am I doubting my course or am I strong in my belief? Am I afraid to take that step out beyond the safety zone or do I feel I must move forward with my dreams? I challenge you to ask these questions. I challenge you to watch Man on Wire and have it inspire you to step out a little at a time in between the buildings...

Is Your Saboteur Showing Up?

2009-03-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

Not so long ago, I had a run-in with my Saboteur. She's the part of you who seems to put obstacles to your dreams in your way. She's the one who can talk you out of anything.

This time, she was cleverly disguised as a loving, very rational friend who was looking out for me. And, in fact, she has that intention most of the time. However, she made it her duty to tell me all the horrible things that were to happen if I moved forward with a project that I had been dreaming about for some time. How did I know if it was going to turn out OK? I need to pull back, look at all my options, have my guard up.

It was difficult at first to figure out how much was her, just doing her thing, and how much was my inner wisdom guiding me to be cautious. So, I decided to ask some reasonable questions of the other people involved with this project and got some satisfactory answers. And then the next issue came into play. I stopped again, riddled with confusion, doubt, mistrust. I could have discussed this project and all the options with hundreds and even though it all sounded reasonable and logical, I would still be stymied and stuck.

That pattern of being stuck and confused and then OK for a little and then stuck and confused again led me to the conclusion that my Saboteur was showing up. She's there to stop me when I am process of manifesting my desires and this was a big one.

My coach then reminded me of all the great accomplishments that I have achieved as a result of working on this project. In fact, the most important part was complete. The rest was gravy. I thought about all the great success that I have enjoyed by allowing myself to feel the connection with my HigherSelf and how it has affected my work, my family, my friends, and this project. I started to appreciate all the things that I had learned. This appreciation helped to shift my thoughts and feelings. I realized that everything was clear and fine. My paralysis was about keeping the continued manifestation of this project away and no longer a wise sign of going slow.

I decided to have a little chat with my friend the Saboteur. She could be confident that I took her needs seriously and yet still go forward. I would take her hand and walk through the door with her. And when I made that decision, it was like an energy flood-gate was opened. Within a day I took two huge steps forward in this project. There was one piece that had a two week delay and so I blessed that delay and used it to review some details. The process was exciting and filled with "Yahoo!" and "I did it!" I celebrated each step. It felt great!

So, is your Saboteur showing up? Look for the signs: confusion, doubt, mistrust, fear, paralysis. Did you confirm things and still not feeling good about moving forward? Do you see the horror stories before you? Do you want something, but just can't take another step toward its manifestation? Perhaps it's time for a chat. A kind, gentle, but firm chat with your Saboteur. Yes, she has something to contribute and you will listen to her, but it will not stop you from moving toward your dream. Take her hand and take the next step.

The Power of Vision

2009-03-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

Our family, (my husband, three kids, and I), just returned from Walt Disney World this weekend and I was so excited to reflect upon this trip here today. The excitement was due in part to the unanticipated thoughts and feelings I had while making the trek from car, to tram, to monorail, to Magic Kingdom. I was giddy and teary-eyed as my daughters and I spotted Cinderella's castle in the distance, the music swelled, and we noticed Mickey Mouse ear confetti on the ground. Here I am, almost 43 years old, and I could feel the magic of the place. (No, I don't work for Disney!)

The biggest recurring thought I had was about Walt Disney himself. He was a man with a vision. His vision was so clear and strong and passionate that it inspired hundreds and thousands to help him manifest this vision into the physical world. And here we were, so many years later, witnessing his creation. Just Magic Kingdom alone must be the size of 4 or 5 amusement parks. After three days of exploring it, we still did not see everything.

An accompanying thought was about the Disney characters and parade at 3 pm every afternoon. The parade displays many of the Disney characters on floats, with dancers sandwiched in between. All smiling and sweating and smiling some more. Everyone stays in character without fault. The kids are mesmerized and adults impressed. Once again the music made a huge impact because it called forth Walt Disney's "Secret" to his power. The song was about celebrating the dream come true, celebrate yourself, and that anything is possible.

I know it sounds hokey, but that is the central message to manifesting what you want. You must celebrate yourself and all your passions, desires, talents. You must celebrate your existence and that you are here to feel the joy and expansion of yourself. And if you want to manifest your desires, you must believe that your dreams will come true and that anything is possible- IF you believe it. When you feel good and you believe in your dream, the Universe- through people, events, ideas and so on- will bring to you what is needed for the dream to become alive. Yes, action is necessary part of this formula, but if you have a shaky belief, results are mixed at best.

For me, that was the magic of Disney. This magic that he subtly but directly was letting us in on. The formula for how he did it all. And, in that moment, I realized how a large part of my dream was coming true. My dream to remind my children about their own power of vision of their dreams in a world that often resists this power as childish.

It also rekindled my hope in my dream for my life- Yes, I am on the right track. Yes, if I keep the dream alive, so many people and events will come into my life to help me manifest it all. Within 48 hours of my return, I had one of my articles published and waiting for me in my pile of mail and a musician call me to coordinate the music for my CD of Guided Meditations. Amazing!

Have you celebrated yourself today? Have you seen the power of your vision? Can you believe in your dreams long enough so that others can be inspired as well and help you? If one man can build an empire of film, music, toys, theme parks, television and more, could you believe that you can see your dream come true? The world is waiting just for you...

Getting the Opportunity

2009-03-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

I was channel-surfing the other night and stopped on Evan Almighty. Steve Carrell plays a congressman who is told by God, played by Morgan Freeman (of course), to build an ark because there is going to be a big flood. Sound familiar?

There was one moment in the film where Morgan (God), who is posing as a waiter in a restaurant, has a conversation with the confused wife of Steve Carrell. He says to her that she has an opportunity in this relationship. He states that when people pray to God for patience, they don't get patience. They do get an opportunity to be patient. I loved that!

I felt that this notion of having opportunities for becoming what we think we don't have or what we need really resonated with me. It comes down to this. We have and are everything! I mean everything. The Universe is contained inside us, just as we are part of the Universe.

We forget that. We don't believe it. We confirm our disbelief whenever we look outside ourselves for something that we think we don't have already. So, our relationships, so perfectly, provide us with opportunities to experience and be what we think we don't have.

I took Morgan (God) at his word and applied this idea to my life. When I was feeling impatient with my kids, I began to look for opportunities to be patient. They were certainly there, instantly. I took advantage of the opportunities at some times and not at others. When I did not take advantage, I found patience within myself for myself.

So, consider trying this at home: Think of what you are needing or wanting in your life. Is it peace, security, love, abundance, passion, patience? Whatever it is, see if you can see the opportunities to be those things with yourself and others. What happens? Let me know....

"Nature is Change"

2009-02-21T15:57:00.000-08:00

I gotta tell you that I love Pixar films. My kids love them, my husband loves them, and I could watch them over and over. And because I have three kids, I end up watching them over and over and over. Fine with me.

Recently, they've been into Ratatouille. In case you haven't seen it, it is about a rat named Remy who is passionate about food. He loves good food and happens to live in Paris, a mecca for great cooks and great food. The problem is, obviously, that he is a rat and humans don't look on rats in their houses, much less their kitchens, too kindly. As you may have guessed, he ends up cooking in the best restaurant in Paris and is elated.

Meanwhile, his father finds out what he is doing and is very disappointed and concerned. He does not trust humans because they have a history of killing rats. There is a very poignant scene when Remy's dad takes Remy to a shop that is selling rat poison. It has rat traps with rats hanging in them in the store front. The audience sees the brutality of "pest control" on display.

His father, making his point to Remy about the reality of how humans feel about rats states "You can't change nature." And Remy retorts "Change is nature."

My take on this exchange is that when you follow your passion, you can create what you want in this world. You can be a rat who loves cooking and food and against all odds, becomes a great chef in Paris. You can create different kinds of relationships between animals and humans and between humans and humans. Every moment is an opportunity to be different. To make a different choice. To tell a new story.

Have you been seeing things a certain way and can't conceive of things changing any time soon? Are you absolutely certain that "you can't change ______"? What rules have you made for yourself or others have made for you that have narrowed your point of view?

You may consider taking a step back and remembering that "change is nature". Change is our friend, not a scary thing that we try to avoid. Change allows us to look at things in a new way. It gives us wiggle room to see the infinite possibilities. Allow change. Welcome change. If you can, embrace change.

Leave your comments and insights about how change has served you in your life.

The Power of Love

2009-02-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

I was watching my kids today. They were playing, eating Valentine's candy and to my surprise, actually sharing their candy with their siblings. It was good to see. My oldest had been looking forward to Valentine's Day for a while and it wasn't for the candy. It was for the love. She loves giving cards about love and of course, receiving them as well. She is open and generous with her love. My middle daughter loves to give kisses and squeezes and is always up for being carried around like a princess who is going off with her prince. My youngest, a son, is in constant state of "love me". He also gives kisses and hugs and asks for them often. That is the foundation of their life. It is the root of their survival. Giving and asking for love.

That is the power of love. Without it, we can cease to exist in this physical form or live a life where we feel dead. With it, we will not only live, but we thrive and blossom. In fact, love can change the planet. When just one person expresses and feels love, it has a ripple effect that can raise the vibration worldwide. It is our choice to add love to this world or to add fear.

Despite the crises that our world is facing, there is an increasing number of people awakening to this idea that love is powerful and that the solution to our challenges comes from love and not fear. Our fear-based thinking is limited at best, self-destructive at its worst.

How do you love more? Choose to love yourself first. Choose to have the best, more inspired idea of yourself, forgive everything else, and do the same for others. Choose to see people not as their roles, beliefs, politics, religion, jobs, spouses, friends or children, but as who they really are. They are waiting for love to show them to themselves.

Not clear about this notion of love? Think of the kindest thought you could have for yourself right now. Now even kinder...I know you can do it. That is evidence of self-love. Now, have that kind thought for another person. A thought that a really loving parent would have for their child. More evidence of love and loving. As you choose these loving thoughts more and more, see what happens in the next hour, day, week. See the power of love in your life.

If you get a chance, check out this music video!

7 min - Mar 28, 2007 -

A choice for humanity, Love or Fear. What do you choose?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMOMgQCRAqM

Is Your Egg Cracking?

2009-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

The other day my 6 year old daughter proposed playing a powerful game with me. She said that she wanted me to pretend to be the "mommie spider" and she was my spider egg. She sat, all curled up, on my lap. She said that I loved my egg so much. Then the egg starts to crack and I get scared that I'm losing it. Finally, I see that inside this egg is a baby spider. I am elated to see that I now I have something even better.

Now, the reason I thought this was a powerful game was because it felt like a metaphor for what so often happens in our lives. We have our "eggs" in life. We focus on them and nurture them and love them. We become very attached. Until one day, the eggs start to crack. We start to worry or even panic, because our eggs are breaking. Things are changing drastically and we don't know what will happen. Our lives are falling apart. But, the Universe knows something that we don't. There is a baby spider inside that egg. The egg needs to crack for the baby to come out and show itself.

So, when things start to fall apart or change or crack I'm not so afraid. Sometimes, when I'm feeling more connected, I even get excited. What will come of this cracking? What little baby spider will emerge from this breaking up? There's nothing to do, but watch, stay alert, and be open to what is.

Anything cracking or breaking apart in your life right now? Are you worried about the unknown future? You will be able to handle what ever happens. In fact, all you have to do is stay connected and stay alert. The rest will be shown to you. You might just be pleasantly surprised.

You Can Have Anything You Want!

2009-01-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

Sometime ago, when I was in a half-asleep, half-awake state, I heard a voice say to me "You can have anything you want." Almost instantly, I became panicked and terrified. I started to breathe shallowly and it took me a bit to calm down and get oriented.

You would think that the prospect of having anything I wanted would be an exciting discovery- a glorious truth. It is true. I can have anything I want...and so can you. So, why the fear? After becoming still about it and going through my day I realized the dilemma I was facing that was causing such terror. I had been giving up what I wanted for the sake of others. I had been sacrificing my desires, denying myself, betraying myself because I held the belief that it was an either/or proposition. In other words, if I wanted something, say, a friendship, I needed to give something up, like my preferences or tastes, for that friendship to survive. Was this true? I mean, did I really need to do that to keep a friendship? I had certainly set it up that way. It seemed to work that way with no complaint from the other person. But, was it really true?

In my peaceful space, it was certainly not. I could have a thriving friendship and not deny who I was or what I wanted or what I thought. But, in that wounded, fearful belief, it was just not possible to maintain a friendship and not deny myself. After all, I had set it up that way and played it out over and over again.

I believe that many women often hold a version of this belief whether consciously or unconsciously. It can come up in your marriage, your relationship with your kids, your in-laws, even yourself. What have you been denying of yourself in order to keep up the front of perfection, happiness, or harmony? Does the prospect of having anything you want frighten you? If it does, it may be that you think you need to sacrifice your relationships to get what you really want. But, then again, if you can have anything you want, then you could have relationships and everything else, no?

If you are not sure what you believe about this, here's a little guide. Does asking for what you want make you a little anxious? Do you ever apologize to others for no reason? Are you hesitant to tell your loved ones what you really think? Do you ever put your needs after others? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may be holding the belief of "I can't have what I truly want and have close relationships-one or the other must go." Do some exploring within yourself. You may find what is holding you back..

Opening the Forgotten Door

2008-12-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

When I have gone and continue to go through phases where I am discovering and looking at some of my wounded beliefs, I do not feel particularly great. The wound is like a child pounding on the door, trying to get in, trying to get my attention, and I have spent so much of my life not wanting to open the door that I have stopped hearing the pounding. Then when I am ready to address the neglected child, I feel awful in a dozen ways. I don't really want to open the door for fear of what is behind it. Then when I do open the door, I see myself in this little person who just wants to have my attention and love. I worry that perhaps I've waited too long to answer, or that the neglect has taken its toll and that the child is too much for me to handle, in that, the wounds are too deep.

But I have learned after going through this process over and over that although it feels yucky and like walking through mud, it not only gets easier and less muddy, it starts to feel better after a while. Then I come out of the process with a renewed sense of wellness and strength and peace. I realized that the process was worth it. I've also realized that if I am facing this wound, I can handle it. I am ready and able. If I don't feel that I am up to it, that's OK, too. There will be plenty of opportunities in this lifetime or the next to address it again.

Lastly, going through the process puts me in the the realm of warriors. If I can visualize myself as a warrior of sorts, that is, someone who is courageous and open enough to face the unknown and handle what comes, then I feel supported and safe enough to open that door and just observe what is there. I don't have to do anything, just look at it for what it is. A small scared child looking for its mother for comfort. And I know that I can do that.

So, if you've been putting off looking at some beliefs that are based on a wound ("I am not enough", "I don't deserve good things", "I am not lovable" are some examples), here are some questions to consider. What do you think is stopping you in just looking at these beliefs? Do you think you need to take action in some way once you discover them? What do you think would happen if you just opened the door and observed what was there? If you anticipate that you would need help and support, can you imagine what that would look like? (mentor, coach, therapist, good friend...) Let me know what comes up for you

Letting Go Allows For More

2008-12-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

I recently had a powerful experience in letting go of a person that was not quite right for me. I was looking for a person or group to receive and give support for a specific project that we would be doing each on our own. This person would be a sounding board, encourager, challenger, prodder and then we'd switch roles and I would be the same for him/her.

So, I sent out my request and received an email back fairly quickly. I eagerly called him back and almost immediately got a "hit" inside that this was not the right person. There was a part of me, the habitual part, that wanted to keep trying to make it work. Even to the extent of making this relationship another project. Maybe if I get to know this person more, I'll discover something really neat that will make it all worth while. Maybe he just needs more time for me to get to know him. Now, there was nothing wrong with this person, but he was not the right person for me to work with. I held on to that notion of me fixing him to suit me for a while and at the same time, the "hit" kept coming. "Do not settle." "Let him go." "Don't worry about finding someone else."

A tug-o-war was ensuing inside me. I was afraid to let go because I feared I would hurt his feelings, that I wouldn't find anyone else, and he possessed some expertise that I was looking for a partner. I was trying to convince myself that perhaps it was a sign that this person was the right one despite my feelings screaming "this doesn't feel good!"

So, I dropped it all. I decided to take the risk of not holding on and follow my feelings. I had to come back to the basics of following my feelings. If it doesn't feel good and I'm not happy, I'm not going forward. I ended up writing an email to him and despite my ego telling me he'd be hurt deeply, he seemed pretty OK. I was not settling. I'll wait.

And literally, the moment after I sent that email, another popped into my inbox. It was another person answering my request. I called her immediately and we chatted. It felt good. It felt right. And we started the support group for the project.

So, here's an experiment to try: Are you holding on to anything or anyone for any reason besides that it feels right and good to you? Why are you holding on? What are your fears/concerns of letting go? If you thought it was possible to receive a new and perhaps better fitting thing or person into your life (including yourself), would you consider letting go? Remember that letting go is a great way to free you up to see more possibilities than you could even imagine...

Thanksgiving Reflections

2008-11-25T11:58:00.000-08:00

I feel that I mark time by the holidays, particularly Thanksgiving. I think back to last year's Thanksgiving and see where I have come from. I ponder what next year's Thanksgiving will be like. Invariably, it surprises me. The twists and turns of life allow me to land in different places from one year to the next without any obviously pattern that I can see. However, I know the Universe has a larger view. One that makes perfect sense. One that makes a beautiful piece of music out of what sometimes sounds like a bunch random melodies.

Last year I was embarking upon a new branch of my business in hopes that would catapult me into entrpreneurial greatness. I was focused like a laser beam on my marketing campaign. My kids were fine, as far as I thought. My marriage was moving right along, although I was going to save my family with my business and become fabulously weathly, confident, admired, a leader, a supermom. Then after Thanksgiving, it all fell apart and I walked and sometimes crawled through my valley of darkness, finally emerging with a remembering about who I really am. Thank God for crisis.

Fast forward to this Thanksgiving. I continue to remember who I really am and then I forget and then remember again. I am balancing my family life and a new business life much better. I have childcare! I am focusing on what I have, and what I do, and most importantly, who I am, RIGHT NOW. I like what I see. I feel closer to my friends and see more love, compassion, and light from them than I ever have.

I feel like I get Thanksgiving more than I have before. That is a very exciting twist for me. If you are at a loss right now, try this. What is going on right now that you feel thanks for? Are you breathing? Do you have water? A bed? Food? Go back to the basics if you need. It is all around you, if you allow yourself to see it. Use what you have now as a springboard to new events, people, things that you want. But, you must be willing to see what you have now to get there.

Happy Thanksgiving and I thank you for being here.

Greatness? Yeah, Baby!

2008-11-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson

I saw this quote in my friend Kim Collins' blog: www.doulamomma.blogspot.com this morning. I've seen it a number of times since I first heard it in my late 20's. I remember it shocked me and I could feel the welling of tears in my eyes when I let it sink in. I've got power beyond measure? That's what I'm afraid of? My purpose is to express that power and let my own light shine and perhaps inspire others to do the same?

Looking back, it is very clear to me that, in fact, I was terrified to express my power and yet was trying in earnest to figure out who I was and what I was supposed to be doing here. I just didn't want to cause anyone else any discomfort in that process. I didn't want to rock the boat. "Maybe I'll just be quietly great over in this corner where noone will notice and feel threatened" I would think. It took me more than 15 years to come to the conclusion that part of being great and expressing my power was letting go of the fear of threatening others.

Now, as I create and build upon my business of sharing tools and supporting other women in the process of becoming awake and more conscious in their day-to-day lives, this quote rings true to me. Yes, that is the fear. I hear it and see it over and over again. I experienced and continue to experience it for myself. But, one of the biggest payoffs of letting your power through is watching other's get inspired to do the same. It is so worth facing the fear and realizing that the fear is the illusion.

Give it a try. What's stopping you from being great and in your power? What are you afraid of? Are you violating a rule in your family? Is this a taboo for you to do things differently than generations of other women? What do you think would happen if you started to consider that your life could be great? Go through the "what ifs" until you have exhausted them. Where do they lead? Then, try a different set of "what ifs"- that is, "what if I decided to act with more power and my kids think it's great?" and then "What if I get offered this great opportunity and I take it?" etc. Decide what scenarios suit you best and then focus on them. If the others start happening, consider that you may be able to handle it and it will lead to better things. Let me know how it goes! Leave a comment...

Are You Kidding Me?

2008-11-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

I've been searching for a NJ driver's manual in Spanish this past week. There are manuals you can access online, but none in Spanish. I thought that before I make the trek to a local office, I'd call the NJ Motor Vehicle Commission (MVC) and ask. When I asked for this manual, I was put on hold for about 5 minutes and then the woman said that there are none. They ran out a couple of months ago, it's being revised, and she has no idea when they are coming out.

"Are you kidding me?" I thought. "So, if someone is Spanish-dominant and wants to get their driver's license, they don't have a manual to study for the test?" I asked. "Yes." she replied "Well, we ran out of the English, as well, and it took a while for that to come out again." I asked for her supervisor, and supervisor's supervisor etc. and guess where they were? Of course, in a meeting. The next people up are the state legislators for my county (Essex). I went to their site and sent an email. I felt mildly better. I watched my feelings as this was happening. I was frustrated and angry that my state had allowed itself to not meet my needs and the needs of others who live here and are Spanish-speaking. In Essex county, it is significant group.

Then I calmed down. OK. Getting angry at this woman was not helpful for anyone. What to do? I did have a solution. I knew someone who had the manual- I'll just copy it. But, what about other people who did not have that solution? My feelings were getting hot again. This is injustice! They can't even get access to a Spanish manual online. My righteousness was on the loose! My ego was engaged.

I took a few deep breaths and let it go. I sent my email to ask for help. I don't know what to do next, but it will come to me IF I remain grounded and calm. I started to feel grateful that the reason I even needed this manual was because I have an au pair who is invaluable to our family. I was grateful that I had the skills to figure out who to write to and ask for help. I was grateful that we still have time before she has to change her license and has a friend with the manual. I was grateful that this was the biggest problem I've had this week and I was able to come up with a solution quickly. I was in a good place. A place where I can receive the information I need to make the next step. A place where I can observe my feelings and see which are serving me and which are depleting me of power.

The anger was a signal that things were not of my liking and I needed a change. Then when I observed it and was able to get some perspective, I could act from a place of power. I even got an idea that worked. I have faith that coming back to this place again and again will continue to feed me and inspire me to take the action that serves me and everyone else in the best way possible.

Give it a try. The next time you have a strong reaction to a situation, observe it and feel it completely. Don't try to change it, but remember that it is not who you are. It is a feeling you are having. If you are feeling overwhelmed by it, take a deep breath and let it out until you feel a little more grounded. What is this feeling telling you? It is there to give you information. You do not have to take action based on it. Is it telling you about what you want or what you don't want? If the later, see if you can focus on what you do want. How does that feel? Can you feel any gratitude about the situation? Is there an action you need to take now that will help? If so, do it. If in doubt, wait a little and see what happens. Send a comment and let us know how it goes..

Update: Two hours later I got a call from the state legislator's office. They are getting a couple of Spanish manuals delivered to their office and an assistant is dropping off at my house within a week or so. I think I have more gratitude to express!
Update#2: Got an email a few hours later from a friend who read the blog. She is very conversant with NJ MVC and sent me a link to download the driver's manual in Spanish that I spent hours looking for (and workers told me did not exist). I was floored, thanked her, and thanked the Universe for its speedy service!

Are You Worth It?

2008-11-02T11:56:00.000-08:00

I've had a number of discussions recently about worth and how we do things in order to feel that we are "earning our keep". I've made some progress on this one, but it still trips me up from time to time. I have done things to prove to myself and others that I am worthy. I have done things out of fear of losing something important and not so important. I have done things for many, many reasons that were not from the heart.

But when I allow myself to get grounded and remember who I really am, I can see all the doing from those less powerful places as unnecessary and often self-defeating. When I remember who I really am, my GodSelf, I remember that I need nothing from the outside. I create from an inspired, loving place. It's not from a place of need for money or fame or accolades. It is not a place of guilt or obligation. It's a place of love and power and living in abundance. It is a reflection of my true worth. It can never come close to my unlimited value, but can reflect that I am in need of nothing because I already possess all that I need.

I was teaching my course this week and we were discussing "jumping off the cliff". That is, taking action on a dream. I said "You have nothing to lose. You have nothing to prove. You have nothing to earn. Your purpose is to experience the joy and create from that place."

Now, many have argued that they have a lot of lose from following a dream. Their income, their houses, and their families could fall into jeopardy. I am not saying that you should abandon your family and join the circus if you think you want to be a clown. But, you could look into clown school while keeping an income going and seeing what it holds for you. Why is following a dream mutually exclusive with having family and prosperity?

I would also answer that not following their dream could result in losing important people and things. It is an illusion to think that life is not constantly in motion. Change happens all the time. You can't keep things the same because they never are. However, if you really create from the place of pure joy and love and abundance, the result will always be joyful, loving, and abundant. There will be times of challenge and doubt. That's part of the ride of life. The trick is how you perceive and approach these times.

If you live your life from a fearful place, you are more likely to lose the things you afraid to lose. If you live your life from a joyful place, you are more likely to create more joy in your life. You will be able to deal with any loss and more and more life will be flowing great things to you. You also have to approach all of life with this joy. That means feeling joy in your present job, in your present home, and with your present spouse. It doesn't mean you need to stay where you are, but to see the best in it in order to attract and create more of the best. And it will be better and better as you allow these feelings to grow in you.

For instance, if your marriage is not going as well as you'd like, decide what is going well in it and focus on that- even if you don't think the marriage is going to make it. Be truthful and kind and see what can be resolved. Ask for what you want and encourage your mate to do the same. If you are being abused, get out and get help and see this as a wake-up call for both you and your mate about how to love yourselves. Focus on how you do love yourself and create from that place.

If your job is not fulfilling, see what you do love or like about it. Why do you love these activities so much? What feeling states are you wanting in your career? See if you can feel those right now. Focus on that part while being truthful about what you don't feel good about. Can you stop doing the parts you don't like? Can you talk to your boss about how things are going for you and negotiate for more tasks that include your strengths and joys? If you can work on being joyful in your job then you are much more likely not only to attract more joy from your present position, but also attract positions that contain more joyful activities and people.

Are you getting the idea here? Feel the feelings you want right now. Those feelings that reflect your worthiness. Then create from that place. The world is waiting for you to remember your true worth and follow your dream.

Who's Responsible Here?

2008-10-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

As mothers we are programmed to be responsible. We have children. We have a household. Many times we have work "outside the home"- a business, job, career. We have our extended families. Community work. The list could go on and on. And even with all that, we often take on more, just because perhaps we still have a minute or two on the schedule.

Mothers are not alone in their responsibilities, but there seems to be a different "flavor" to mother's responsibilities. It is the flavor that if anyone of them is not going exactly the way it "should", that we are somehow not good mothers. And what a set-up that is!

I had two different conversations this week about this exact topic and I feel that I received a great deal of illumination about how we, as mothers, can view all that we take on. If you can just consider looking at your life through this different lens, if may give you great relief. And the "lens" is this: You are not responsible for anyone's life experience but your own. You have children, but you are not responsible for how they feel. You are there to be their guide. Your guidance is in helping them understand their own "guidance system"- their feelings. And one of the biggest ways of guiding them is to pay attention to your own feelings.

I have been know to fix things and people. I can act as a "fixer". Not only is this an impossible task, but it really doesn't help in the long term. It gives me some temporary relief, but then there is always the new thing to fix. It is draining and not serving me. The fixing is the need to be responsible for someone else life. The need to feel needed and get validation for that.

Let's clarify: I think that if your toddler is about to run into traffic that you should get her out asap. This is not a excuse for negligence or abuse. But, it is the idea that you can't have control, nor should you have control, over another. It is the idea that life unfolds and you focus on how you are feeling about that unfolding. You can assist your children with dealing with life by asking them questions about their feelings "How did that feel when you said that?" "What feelings came over you before when you are shouting?" Help them connect with their own inner guidance and wisdom. When they ask for help, help them. But, fixing stuff just sends the message that they should ignore their guidance. That it means little to them. Feeling responsible for how they feel and how they are doing only takes power away from their ability to tease that out for themselves.

You don't have to be the "fixer". How does that feel to you? Is it a relief or does it feel threatening? Does it lift the burden or chip away at your identity? Knowing that you don't have to fix things can create more options for you to experience life. There is a freedom to knowing that you just need to observe the unfolding and act from a place of love instead of control and fear. But don't take my word for it. Give it a try.

This week start observing ways in which you try to control what is going on in your life and the lives of others. Do you feel responsible for the results? Do you feel unsatisfied with how things are unfolding? Is there a resistance to what is going on or are you allowing the unfolding? Do you feel that you could handle it if things go in unexpected ways? Could you consider that you are not responsible for everything everyone else is feeling?

Good luck and let us know what happens!

I am a Human Being, not a Human Doing...

2008-10-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

Most of us are great "doers". We work hard, do errands, run around with our kids, and then often sit down and think "what should I do now?" The "doing" mentality is part and parcel of our society. "Just do it", "What do you do?", and "I'm doing great!" are common questions and phrases in our lives. We are programmed to think that by doing, we are earning our keep, keeping up with the Jones, and retaining our worth.

What happened to "being"? We are here to be, not to do. I know that may sound strange or counterintuitive, or dangerous, but it is true. At least to me it is. If I get caught up in the doing of life and then attach a meaning to it, I get in a heap of trouble. I can do myself right into a hole. And then, I go back to the basics. I just "be" more. I experience life around me. I slow down a little. I perhaps meditate, connect with my inner being.

Of course, in the beginning, there is some resistance. There are stories that we tell ourselves about the need to do. "This must be done!" "I don't have time to sit, I have to get this list of stuff done today!" You know the rest. But, with time, the non-doing gets a little easier and feels a little more comfortable. And before you know it, you realize that you are not doing life, you are life. And that's all you need...really.

But, don't take my word for it. Try it out. Take a little time to just be. Resist the temptation to push away the being for the doing. Even if it is just for a few moments. Observe the sounds and smells around you. Observe your thoughts and feelings. And let us know what happened when you just are.

Our World of Wounds

2008-10-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

I've been compulsively scanning the internet about our most recent economic mess. I've been receiving political emails highlighting the conspiracies and lies from one party and the other. Accusations flying about. Personal insults. Sorta like high school gossip, but with much larger consequences.

For me the larger issue was not that this was happening, for it has been happening for quite a while, but why was I drawn to it? It attracted and repulsed me at the same time. I felt enraged and vindicated. I took it personally. Not a helpful strategy for me.

The answer to the above question lies in the last few weeks when I realized that I was hitting on another wound of mine. The wound is my fear of incompetency and how I link it to my worth. In other words, if I feel incompetent I feel unworthy. And as I started to observe my feelings of incompetency all around me, I realized that I had a strong feeling that I was not worthy. I was not enough.

My coach had told me, as I was discovering this for myself, that we have two reactions to wounds that have not healed. We either confirm them or compensate for them. In other words, we sit with our wound and stew in it, as if to say "Here I go again, I'm incompetent. I can't do this. I'm a loser. I knew this would happen! I'll never get it together." Or, to compensate and avoid that dialogue, we go nuts doing things that make us feel better. Then we say, "I'm doing this, this, and this. I am in control. No one could call me incompetent! And, if they did, I'd show them all the stuff I did!"

I tend to compensate. I do, and do, and do some more in the face of that wound. And so, here I am, observing my "doing". As my body's way of protecting me from my ego, I developed a nasty cold and was bed ridden. Perfect for the person who is resisting doing. I've watched myself wanting to do and then deciding not to do. It was difficult, but I lived through it. Then I started to actually enjoy not doing for a while.

Currently, I'm in the tricky area of "not doing", but really doing. This is when I start to read all the online articles about this election and the economic crisis. I am looking at the competence of others and how it relates to me. It is my sneaky egoic way of seeing if I am competent. Who do I trust to run the country? Who is competent to do that? How do I decide that?

This process of observing my wound in action, taking steps to choose differently, and ultimately healing at least part of my wound is also a way for me to find my own truth. It is not based on anyone else's truth. It is not measured by anyone else's scale of what is right or wrong, good or bad. It is about accepting all of me. Accepting what I know and don't know, when I'm right and when I'm wrong. Being at peace with my imperfections. Being whole.

So, here's an experiment, if you are up for it: Think of how you compensate for parts of yourself that you feel not so good about. Then think of how you confirm those parts that you consider less than stellar. What are you saying to yourself? How do you act? How do you feel? (Are you having trouble coming up with parts you are not fond of? Think of someone who drives you crazy. What qualities do they have? Write them down and then make a list of times when you have had the same qualities. Is it getting clearer?)

Now, be kind with yourself and just become aware of these parts in your day-to-day lives. Can you consider other ways of looking at these parts? Can you consider other ways of acting even when you feel the discomfort with having these parts you do not like?

Make a comment and let me know what happens.

Taking Care..

2008-09-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

I became uncomfortably confronted a few months back with the realization that I was not taking very good care of myself. I was taking care of my children, and occasionally, my husband, but did little for myself. My story now is pretty different. I pay attention to what I eat, my exercise, sleep etc. Then the subject came up again and I saw the gap between the story I thought I had and the story that I was really telling myself.

I think this is fairly typical for women, in general, and mothers, in particular. We faithfully take care of everyone else , but cheat ourselves over and over. So, it was not surprising that I fell into old habits and stories. The story of not taking care for me goes something like this: "I don't need to meditate right now, I'll have that cup of tea and then right onto the computer to check email and then I'll stretch out." Then 2 hours goes by. "Well, the kids need a snack, so I'll do that, and then I'll take a quick shower and have a snack bar, then I'll take a brisk walk for exercise." Then another 2-3 hours goes by. "Well, I need to check my email again. I'll just walk to the bus stop- that will be my exercise. Hmm...haven't eaten much today. I'll take another snack for the walk." And the day continues. Exercise is not really happening, meditation is not happening, eating is barely happening. What is happening?

The story in my head that supported my self-care was slowly chipped away by my rational mind- my ego. My ego wants me to keep running, doing, and achieving. It tells me that my worth is wrapped up in my doings. It tells me that if I'm not "producing", then I don't have a lot to offer. Stop me if this sounds familiar.

Today, I took a nap. It felt good and after stray thoughts of guilt that I was able to drop, I realized that the nap was a sign that I need to slow down again. Slow down to go inward and connect with my true Self. The Self who knows that I don't have to prove my worth. I am worthy by being in this world. The Self who knows that action taken from a place of lack or feeling not enough, is not an action that serves anyone, least of all, me. I am only to act from a place of love, peace, abundance. And to come from that place, I need to take care of myself. Take care physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, personally.

So, I'm slowing down. And posting a blog. OK, now I'm slowing down. But, don't take my word for it that this is important. Try it yourself and let me know what happens. Taking care could take many forms. Taking your time in the shower, sitting down to eat and really enjoying your food, getting a hair cut or pedicure, taking a walk in the woods, meditating, listening to some calming music, saying "No" to more activities. See what comes to mind that would help you feel taken care of.

After you give this a try for an hour, day, week, post a comment. Perhaps you'll inspire someone to change their story.

Feeding Each Other

2008-09-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

When I was in my early twenties, I worked with refugees in Texas. Most came from Ethiopia and so I learn a bit about their rich culture. One custom is for people to share a common plate of food and to feed each other. I think it most likely that women feed men, but I experienced both.

There is also an old story about heaven and hell that I was reminded of recently in Kate Nowak's Prosperity Experiment . In each place there is a glorious banquet of food and each person has a spoon with a very long handle. In hell, each person is trying to feed him/herself and it is impossible because the neck of the utensil is too long. They are suffering because they are starving while longing for the food that is so close to them. In heaven, however, each person is fed to their satisfaction. They are enjoying the banquet. That is because they are using their spoons to feed each other.

Both custom and parable serve as a reminder to us. That to have a rich and abundant life, we must give and receive. To feed and be fed. I would argue that when you are giving from your heart, you are always receiving. When you are truly open to receive, you are giving so much to the giver. There is a cycle of giving and receiving to allow the abundance to flow.

The mistake that I have made so many times in my life, and am remembering to more and more to change, is that giving from any other place than my heart not only hurts myself, but does the receiver the least good as well. And when I am not allowing myself to receive fully, the result is equally as ineffective.

So many times I have dismissed or deflected compliments, talked over thank yous, made self-deprecating jokes about talents or gifts observed by others. I have done things for free- not because I wanted to in my heart, but because I thought what I offered had no value or out of guilt or obligation. I was pushing away the spoon that was there to feed me. I was rejecting the food that was necessary for me to have the energy and desire to feed others.

I did this out of a belief that I was not good enough for such treatment and if I took the goodies, I would be found out or seen as arrogant. I was erring on the side of caution, I rationalized. As a result, I not only confirmed my belief that I have little to offer the world, but I made others feel uncomfortable around me. It doesn't feel good when your gift is not accepted. To the world I was sending messages. One message was that I felt uncomfortable with the gift, so stop giving it to me. The other message was that I don't need this.

Now, there is another side to this. It was the side that craved the gifts as signs of worth. If they did not come, it was like a thorn in my side. Did people not like what I offered? Did they not like me? I became attached to the praise, the offers, the money and so on. Either way, it was not from my heart, it was from a wound. What a bind!!

Then one day, I decided to do something different. I decided to make note of when I wanted to dismiss a gift and instead, accept it with my heart. It took courage. I felt like I was risking something. I also decided to give only when it felt good to do so. And then I decided that if I felt grateful for something- a product, service, a friendship- I was going to thank the giver. I wrote letters, emails, called folks. The response was overwhelming.

Most people are not thanked for doing their job. I sincerely lavished them with well-deserved praise. It felt so good. I felt filled up. I started to use my spoon to feed my hungry neighbors and others naturally picked their spoons up to do the same.

The banquet is delicious! I think I'm write a letter to the caterer...

It All Comes Down to the Chocolate

2008-09-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

My kingdom for some cacao nibs! I had been searching through my local healthfood store and grocery for cacao nibs- a healthy form of chocolate that is super high in magnesium and low in caffeine. Yes, like in Woody Allen's Sleeper, junk food is actually healthy. At least in cacao nib form. I was coming up with nothing and put the desire aside for more "important" ones...

Then I got a series of emails about a the latest, greatest technology for Law of Attraction (LOA) addicts. That is, those of us who desire to manifest more consciously, so that we attract what we want, not what we do not want in our lives. I was at first skeptical, then wowed by the simple yet powerful way a guy made videos you watch online about what you want in your life. They are called "Mindmovies". I think this is going to be the biggest thing since "The Secret". They give you 6 premade videos and then you can send away for a kit to make your own. Pretty cool! I was ready to order when....

This voice in my head began. It was a familiar voice saying "Do you really need this to attract what you want in your life?" "You've read all the books, listened to all the CDs...how is this going to help you...really?" I could rationalize that this was the one to put me over the top, the detail I was missing, you know the rest. But, something was stopping me. It wasn't money. It wasn't doubt in the product- I'm sure it is everything they say. It was that I knew that I have a tendency to believe that I don't have the answers inside. That I need to listen to someone else to get the answers. In the past, if I had a dilemma, I would survey my friends for answers. I would call them one by one and tell them the dilemma over and over and then see what came up. It was like I had 20 magic 8 balls with 20 different answers. Then I'd pick the one I liked best. I've stopped this practice. I've come pretty far...but that kit to make a movie looked good. Maybe this was the tool that would help LOA work for me, the way I wanted.

The voice was strong enough (or I was listening enough this time) to recognize that I could not get sucked into that belief again. The belief that I needed to look outside myself for answers. I took a couple of breaths and then asked myself what would happen if I passed this one out. Nothing terrible. I could always decide to buy the kit later (even if it was half off only for now). I was doing fine without it. I was keeping my thoughts on the positive side, I was in the flow most of the time, I was attracting small but significant stuff to me daily- if I noticed it. I took my finger off the paypal button and relaxed..

Of course I got about 6 follow-up emails encouraging me to not pass on this special offer. By that time I had made the decision and was not wavering. It felt good. Then this morning I got another email from the same company with a video about nutrition and health. I watched it primarily to pass it on to friends in that biz. In the middle of the video I saw a bag of, you guessed it, cacao nibs flash by! It caught my eye and the next thing I know I'm at their website ordering a bag. Yippee! I found cacao nibs!

So, what does this all mean? My simplest answer for myself is this: Sometimes when you decide to believe something new, you get what you've been looking for from the beginning. I know it sounds ridiculous to conclude that perhaps what I was really looking for was cacao nibs. But, look at the conclusion. Perhaps all those emails came to me to force me to face (allow me to choose to face) my "addiction to the outside" and choose something different. When I did choose something different, the road opened up. The road to new possibilities for myself and within myself. And yes, the road to chocolate that is healthy. It all comes down to the chocolate.

Are We Always in Denial?

2008-09-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

I recently read "Money, and the Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It discusses the obvious money and Law of Attraction, but one of the big messages of the book is to look for what you want. When I read that passage "always look for what you want", I thought that it seemed to be saying "Be in denial of reality". My ego often plays with me while I'm reading something that might help me let go of the egoic mind...

I then realized that we are always in denial of reality in some way. We are either looking for what we want OR we are looking for what we don't want. For the vast majority, the later is more common than the former. For instance, if I want more money in my life, I could look for ways that money in abundant in my life, or ways that it is scarce. I could feel great about receiving money or getting something for free or getting more than I expected and focus on that OR I could completely dismiss it. Then focus on how I should have received more money, that the free item was cheap anyway, and that getting more was fluke.

What is reality anyway? We think we have an objective hold on reality, but it is , after all, how we perceive it. Reality, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder. It is based in our beliefs, our chronic thoughts and feelings. Our programming determines what we perceive and what we perceive is our reality. Knowing those rules of the game, I could hold all perceptions as suspect. All truths as nothing more than repeated thoughts. All realities as nonsense.

That's all well and good, but I want even more. I want to focus on the "good" and the "fun"and the "play". It's much more appealing to me than the horrid slog ahead. So, if I have to be in denial, make it one that I can enjoy.

First Day of School!! First Day of School...

2008-09-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

In one of the first scenes of Finding Nemo, little Nemo swims around his father Marlin announcing the first day of school. Marlin, an extremely cautious and protective father, is not thrilled to let his remaining child (the rest, along with his wife, were killed by a barracuda in the first scene) be separated from him and face the perils of school life. Well, I felt a little like Marlin today.

My daughter was super excited to start 1st grade and I was excited for her. Then as I thought about my baby going on a bus by herself and arriving to her school amongst a mob of children trying to find her way to a classroom, I started to get a little nervous. Then I realized that she'd be gone from 8:30 until 3:30 all week. I'm used to her being around-even if I'm shooing her away so I can get some work done. I felt sad. I was able to stay "up" while she was with me, but watching her sit on the bus was like watching Nemo venture off the the dreaded "drop-off".

In this moment of feeling sad and a little nervous I came up with an epiphany. As much as I crave time alone and sometimes feel as if I'm juggling children and my work and myself in a day, I really love being with my kids. This was an important discovery for me since there were times when I needed to be separate so much that I wondered if I did not love being with them. And then the guilt would emerge- my ego playing with this little tidbit of information. How could I not love being them? I'm a mother- that is a requirement, right? What kind of mother would I be if I did not love being them? You get the picture.

I was voicing all this to my mentor who is always helpful during these times. He pointed out that when I feel the "shoulds" of being with my kids- I should love being with them, I should spend more time with them, I shouldn't ask them to do something else when I'm working because that is not being a good mother etc-then I will never get it right. It will never be enough and I'll always be resentful. But, the discovery that I am sad to see my daughter out of the house for 7 hours a day and that I'm going to miss her is real. That I do love to be with my kids is about what I want and how I feel, not about "shoulds" or societal beliefs. It is from my heart.

In other words, I want to listen and respect it. It is true to me. The other stuff, the "shoulds", are not helpful and will lead to a life that will never feel whole.

I picked up my daughter this afternoon and we walked home together. It was good to see her and she was excited about her first day. I wanted to be with her. It felt really good. In my view, I was mothering in the best way I can.

Passing It On...

2008-08-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an extraordinarily flowing day. I was fairly well rested and despite our babysitter have a nasty sinus infection and needing a day in bed, I was able to do some work and spend time with the kids. This was a good lesson for me as well because I had started to think that I could do nothing without her!

I took my youngest daughter to her usual weekly therapy appointment in a neighboring town. The session went really well and I was blown away by her progress- this usually is accompanied by some tears of joy. The therapist and I were all revved up with excitement about her recent accomplishments.

My daughter and I departed with her usual request for a treat and even though she had a treat before, I was so happy about her success that I waived the "one treat per meal" rule and off we went. In the back of mind was the notion of our parking situation. A little far off from where we were venturing and with meter probably expired. I didn't really care.

As we rounded the corner, I saw a woman in the distance at our car. She was standing and writing..not a good sign. How should I approach her? I had heard that meter readers can be pretty rigid about things like this. No mercy.

I decided that since everything went so smoothly today that I wasn't really concerned about the outcome, but I'd get there quickly and ask "is it too late?" She looked at me and my daughter who was decked out in her daily uniform of 3 dresses, a fancy vest, a belt and crown, and said "Oh, never mind..." She started walking away. I was so thankful that I asked if she wanted a spare "munchkin". "No, but thanks for the offer."

I was a little shocked...I had never heard of a parking ticket being nixed by just showing up. I was pondering this as I drove out of the town. Was is possible that my energy was so high from all the flowing of my day that she just changed her mind? Was it that my kid looked too cute for her to have a conflict with me over a ticket? Is she like that with every late parker?

She wouldn't take a munchkin, so maybe I need to pass this kindness along. Pass on the kindness of a second chance or a needed break. I started to look around my family and see where I could give someone a break. There were lots of opportunities. Some I took and others, not so. The event continues to give to me in that when ever I start a little negativity, I think about a parking ticket that I didn't get because someone decided to give me another chance.

So, then I thought that I'd throw out the kindness into cyberspace and ask that you pass this kindness on as well. Give someone a break, a second chance, don't take it personally or too seriously. Keep the kindness flowing...or have a munchkin.

Managing Fear

2008-08-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

Fear can be managed. Look at firefighters, for instance. Despite human nature- fear of fire and being burned, firefighters run into burning buildings, stay there, look for life and come out. They are able to stay calm enough to issue commands and reassure others. They get the job done. They have learned to manage the fear and even turn it into anticipation..

I am not suggesting that next time you are afraid you need to run into a burning building. That would be..not wise. I am suggesting that a very effective way to manage your fear-based beliefs is to upgrade them (or downgrade them, depending on your take) a little at a time so that eventually they are no longer fears or at least not fears that have an influence on you.

Here's a system that I just learned from a friend. Observe a fear as it naturally comes up (usually that takes about 20 seconds or so...). Stop and look at it instead of trying to deny it or shoo it away. As if it is a interesting creature, ask yourself "Where is this fear coming from? What is at its root?" For instance, the fear could be that you won't be able to make enough money with your career. The root of that could be that you would be seen as a failure, you would be a disappointment to your family, you would be revealed as a fake- incompetent, powerless etc.

Now, you are at the meat of the fear- this is a good thing because now, you can question the validity of these beliefs. So, you can't make enough money- would you really be seen as a failure (aka see yourself as a failure)? Only, if you choose to be. Most of the successful people (financially) in the world have stories where they are broke. So, you could see your potential financial losses as a good sign that you are on the track to success, IF you keep learning and growing.

Then, as you start to take apart these fears and beliefs, you can start to revise them just a little. You don't necessarily want to change them to "I'm going to be a millionaire in the next month", because you know that is too big a leap and you don't believe it yet and so you'll fall right back to the original fear. The little revision could be "If I'm not able to make enough money with my career, I know there are other sources of income that could come to me if I am open to them. I could also make changes in my lifestyle until I start bringing in more income. I will be able to adjust as needed." Now, this may be a leap. If so, revise a little more until you think you could believe in this statement.

Write the statement down and put in a place you can see or in your pocket so you can be reminded- especially in times when this fear pops up. Then, instead of falling back to step 1 fear- the scary monster in the closet- you have step 2 fear- the not-as-scary monster that perhaps you could beat up if you needed to. After a time, this new fear or less scary belief, which you can write down evidence for, will become comfortable. Soon, you will be ready to let go of that fear for an even softer, higher energy thought that you make into a belief. Repeat process.

Eventually, these beliefs are not fear-based at all. In fact, they are powerful, love-based beliefs. Isn't that cool? But, don't take my word for it.. give it a try.

Getting Distracted by What Goes "Wrong"

2008-08-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today someone emailed me requesting that she be taken off my e-list. I had started a daily messages service to my database. Just messages that I had written to myself, stuff I needed to remember to stay connected to Source. I thought it may be helpful to others as well. Apparently, for this woman, it was not the case. Her email was not nasty or hurtful and yet I let it haunt me for the morning. "Maybe this is not a good idea. Maybe other people are also annoyed to get a daily message that they never requested. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I am not helping anyone...." the thoughts go on. This kind of thinking may sound familiar to you.

The problem was not the email or the person who wrote it. It was my thinking and feeling about it. I made the email a judgment of me and my work. The judgment came from me. Let me write that again, so that we can fully get that. The judgment came from me.

I had spun a whole tale around this email about a judgment I had been holding onto about myself. Now, this is good because it allowed me to see the judgment for what it was. A story I was telling myself. I have the opportunity to look at that more closely and let it go for something more in line with who I really am.

And now, I can move on. Sometimes this can take a little time, some breathing, exploration. But, I will move on to the next moment where I can manifest who I really am and see the greatness in that. I have let go of some of the limits I put on myself when I hold on to judgment of myself or others.

I challenge you to look more closely the next time something goes "wrong". What are the facts of the event (aka no interpretations, assumptions, drama, judgment)? It probably doesn't sound so terrible now, right? Look at the interpretations, drama, judgment you had added that made it seems worse than it was. Can you see how that comes from you? What's the lesson here? What did you learn about yourself? Can you start to move on from it? If not, explore what is stopping you. Remember that not forgiving yourself and others limits you- and you are meant to be limitless.

Falling in Love with Yourself

2008-07-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why we fall in love? I've fallen a number of times and each time it feels grand. Surges of energy, feelings of invincibility and exhilaration, unending thoughts of your beloved. The obvious reasons for falling in love are to continue the species (biological) and fooling us into making a commitment before we really understand all the work we have before us (cultural). But I think there is another reason- a more spiritual one.

I recently spoke with a friend about a rock concert she went to. She's been following this artist since she was a teen and always felt such a connection with him, his music, and his band. It was not an obsession thing, but the songs and concerts were part of her growing up and family. When I asked her what she admired so much about him she listed a bunch of attributes and things he's done for his community and world. I thought more about this conversation and realized that many qualities and attributes he possessed were courage, faith, kindness, generosity, honesty about himself and others, and following his path of bliss. His fans, which are many, love him with a loyalty that is rare and I think this is why. So, they've sort of fall in love with him, in a sense. They feel alive at his concerts. They feel happy when they sing his songs.

OK, so what, right? Well, the "so what", is that when you fall in love or admire someone it is because you believe that they possess something that you don't. We tend to look for folks who have qualities that we don't usually feel comfortable showing the world. The truth is: we do and can express these qualities. We have chosen over the years to shut the doors on those aspects of ourselves that either we thought were not "good" (aka not get us love we craved) or belonged only to certain people (e.g.men vs women). We made judgments and assumptions about those parts of ourselves and out of fear, closed ourselves off from them. Sometimes we have completely forgotten about them.

Now, the it cuts both ways, in that the stuff that drives you nuts about people is also stuff you judge and possess, but don't want to show them out of fear. But, the point here was that my friend was so alive and "in love" with someone who reflected what she thought she didn't have. So, I challenge you to reflect upon people that you are "in love with" or admire greatly. What's so great about them? What do they have that you don't? Is it true that you don't possess these great attributes or are you afraid to express them? Could you imagine yourself in a situation where you could express these parts of yourself?

Love stops becoming a way of getting what you think you lack and starts to be an opportunity to accept others where ever they are. And you can "fall in love" with yourself.

If You Can't Beat 'em...

2008-07-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

I am competitive. My family is competitive. We have to be the funniest, the smartest, the quickest, the best arguers, the most right. This is a recipe for disaster. At first, I looked at my competitiveness with distain. I didn't like being competitive and would try not to be. Then it would come out in weird ways that I would often regret.

Then I went through a stage where my competitiveness was an asset. It motivated me to take action and move forward. I wanted to keep up with others. The problem was that it would take a toll on me. I'd be worn out keeping up and perceiving others as the enemy instead as supporters. It became difficult for me to enjoy others' victories because I saw the triumphs as reminders of my failures. It meant I was less than them.

I have finally viewed my competitiveness for what it is. It is a gift if I use it as a way to motivate me to keep improving my own game and it has a dark side that can take me away from who I really am. I recently joined a group of great folks who are working on similar professional goals. I was nervous because I foresaw that I would feel competitive with them and not be able to support them because I would be overcome with jealousy and feeling like I need to do better than them- whatever that means.

When I get into that space, my competitiveness reminds me to reflect on my Higher Self. It is the kid who forgets sometimes that she is great just the way she is and doesn't need to compare herself to others to know she is good enough. Having that internal tension with the group forces me to look at myself and know that I'm OK even when someone else is having a major victory. I feel more supportive now with others in the same game. I see them as allies, people to consult with and resources to tap into as well as people with whom to share and serve. It's a whole new game with more possibilities and, I gotta tell ya, a lot more fun.

Judging can delay results

2008-07-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

Judging can delay results! It's true...I just did it yesterday. I didn't understand what and why I was doing it, but it came in a journal entry ( I highly recommend this practice, by the way!). I had been struggling with what direction to go next in my career. I had some successes, but a recent unexpected result caused me to reconsider a path I was taking. All of a sudden, I was stricken with anxiety- what do I do now? Why is it not clear? It's been clear, and now, it is foggy. The choices which were two or three in my mind did not seem to really inspire me, but others were encouraging different ones. I didn't understand why it seemed like such a big deal, as well. This whole time I've been just going on "nudges" and seeing what happened. Now, after my first "flub", I felt gun shy, uncertain. No move seemed like a great one.

Then I saw a connection. I had been judging a friend who was struggling with another issue that she wanted to change, but her mantra was always "it is so hard", "it's so complicated", "I feel horrible". At the same time I was feeling the same way! I realized that not only was I judging her, I was judging the same part of myself.

Once again, I thought I was "over" that part of myself, but in my judgments, I realized that there was still stuff to be discovered. I was also convinced that I needed an answer to solve all the challenges and if it only addressed some, I would reject it. My friend felt the same way and I told her to just address what comes in front of her. One step at a time. I was really talking to myself and didn't even know it!

Then, as I journaled, I came to the conclusion that my judgments that "it is too hard" and having judgments that I even had those thoughts, were just delaying the process. That I need to just observe what I was thinking, feeling, believing and not judge a thing. No matter how long it took, no matter what the outcome. Even if the solution looked nonsensical. That freed me up considerably. I felt relief (that feeling that we're going for anyway!). I could let go. The solution will come. I will be able to act on it. I will fall again and be reminded that it's OK. But, for now, I'm getting back on track with just feeling the relief.

Mirror of Judgement

2008-07-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

I've been diving into healing work lately. Shadow work a la Debbie Ford, looking at our "mirrors" (Gregg Bradden) etc. I initially was interested for a client who really needed some help in this area, but of course my concern led me back to my own wounds that needed tending and healing.

I've found myself of late feeling a lot of judgement for a specific teacher who is not answering my emails. It is interesting in that from the get-go I felt some reservations about him. Partly my ego was hiding jealousy, competitiveness. He had accomplished so much with some ideas that had stirred in me, but I did not have the confidence to take action. Then I took his course to delve into some areas that frightened me, but had enough promise to cause me to go forward. Most of the course I was in a weird negative energy space. I didn't agree with most of his students, I felt he favored some over others (aka over me) and I didn't agree with some of his assignments. Over time, I felt a little more comfortable with myself and the class and it seemed to end nicely. I decided to take a big step and expand how I was delivering my message and services. I took what I needed and left the rest, as they say.

I started to have lots of questions that needed some answers and so I started emailing him. I got infrequent, but essential answers. I made the emails as pleasant and thankful as I could- thinking that perhaps I was still sending some negative energy his way. Still, I was successful in my leap off the edge.

Then some more technical issues came up. I emailed, emailed, and emailed the contacts I thought could help me. It all led back to him. The frustration was building. The "why"s listwas created: Why won't he answer me (even to say please stop)? Why is he ignoring me? and then trying to sympathize: "Maybe he's bitten off more than he could chew and can't handle all the emails?" "Maybe he feels that I should have taken the other part of his course to get more access to him?"

To add to my frustration, he has expanded his palette of courses- now about 5 different ones in all. I started to get angry. "He keeps expanding to supposedly help people, but he can't answer my email?"

Can you see my judgments? I judge him to be non-responsive, irresponsible, not really helping, perhaps not even wanting to help, overwhelmed, out-of-control, insincere etc. Then I decided to turn the tables and see which ones I felt fit me. Let's see: I have felt like I was not really helping, overwhelmed, out-of-control, for sure. The insincere and non-responsive, not wanting to help, irresponsible are less clear for the present, but there have been times these have come about. These are all behaviors and qualities that I certainly don't like in myself and if anyone accused me of them, I would be possibly crushed or defensive.

I need to embrace these parts of myself. When I mean "embrace", I mean accept that they are part of my ego and make me no less or no more than anyone else. Perhaps he is a better teacher than I thought. After all, I've learned a lot about myself just by writing him. I need to give him thanks without writing an email with bribery coated in gratitude ("you're so great- answer me!!")

So, what do I do now? I stop writing him and start loving myself more and then I will start to love and accept him, as well. Start realizing that whether he answers or not is of no consequence. I can figure out the solutions- there is an answer. I need to let go of needing an answer from him and know that I am OK, wounds and all.

In Step and Missteps

2008-07-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I took my first ever Zumba class this morning. I am exhausted, refreshed, sweaty, alive, and achy already. I've been thinking of taking this class for quite some time, but "things" got in the way. I had some valid and not valid excuses about why it was not going to work.

Then all the substitutes for the Zumba didn't seem to work. My inner self was still waiting on me...patiently. However, I have learned and relearned not to let my soul's needs go unfulfilled. Things start to go weird. So, when the opportunity came once again and was so convenient, I decided to do it.

Wow! It was a small class, everyone was a beginner and the instructor was kind, patient and totally in her groove. In short, I stretched my muscles and mind and knew that this was also satisfying to the soul. Just because it felt so good!

So, now I need to recover- I'm not used to this much exercise. It is good to recover in this way.

Think about something you've been thinking about doing, but put off. Consider the "nudges" from your soul and then watch for "happy coincidences" that appear. Then, DO IT!

Slowing Down

2008-06-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

When I tune into them, there are tons of signs for me to take action or not take action on a particular thing in my life. This week there have a quite a few signs for me to SLOW DOWN. I've been running fast. It has been extremely productive and exciting and exhausting and although it feels like there are still a million things to do and explore, my body, my kids, my spirit, and most recently, my car has been signaling to rest a bit.

First, I started getting periodic stomach upset. Then my butt has been aching (took a strength bands class- what a workout!) and I had to slowly walk around to lessen the soarness of my rear. Then my kids have been climbing on and off of my lap more often than usual and my 4 year old can't seem to survive without me being with her 24/7. Most recently, my car battery drained due to yesterday's panic pushing of still mysterious buttons in my minivan, setting off the interior lights. I literally could not go faster than a slow jog to get anywhere after that.

What a blessing! I had a larger block of time this morning to just chill. I realized just recently that when this stuff starts it is so much easier to just surrender to it than to try to work around it. If I've done the later, the signs become more dramatic and I'm stuck in bed with a soar back or lost something that I regret. Although that in itself can be spiritually illuminating.

So the next time you stub your toe or hurt your back or your car dies, curse if you must, but then take it as a sign to slow down and maybe smell the roses.

Coming into your own

2008-06-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Monday I led my teleclass on"Uncovering Your Extraordinary Life" specifically for women. It was similar to the local workshop, but I had not done this type of work on the phone. My experience of it was that it flowed, it felt fairly easy to do, I felt grounded and confident. In short, I felt like I was in my element. I was coming into my own.

I've had other moments in my life where this was the case. It feels like this is what I was meant to do- like I was the "hole in the flute where Christ's breath flowed" and the music was wonderful. So, why doesn't that happen all the time, or even, more often?

I don't know the answer to that question, but I think at least part of it has to do with letting ourselves get confused- or having our egos confuse us- about what we want/need/should be doing. I know if I stop being present, being still, focusing on the Now, then I start to get into my head and feel cut off from the heart. And when that happens, I start worrying about details, and thinking and rethinking what I'm doing, trying to make sure it is perfect...then it all gets out of whack. I get attached to what I am doing and disconnected to who I really am. I start to fear the lose of what I have at the moment.

Case in point, the call went really well and flowed- I was connected. Then I went to check out the recording of it the next day and ...it was only one-third there. The recording stopped about 22 minutes into the hour call. I was frustrated, disappointed. Then I remembered, that it really doesn't matter. I can do a lot with 22 minutes. I started to become attached to a recording and started worrying about losing something. I will create new things, new recordings. It's impossible not to. I will be that flow again and how wonderful is that?

We're Having a Heat Wave!

2008-06-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

This week on the east coast, and I suppose in other areas, there's been a heat wave. We were dripping to begin with and then suddenly, all the electricity went out. It was the entire town and parts of the state.

I immediately started problem solving. We'd fill up the baby pool, get out the popsicles and make a party of it. Everyone will have fun. We'll get away from the TV and computer and get some real QT in. Then, things did not go exactly as planned. Crankiness ensued. Increased sweatiness. Complaints started. I spoke with my husband for no other reason other to let him know that we were suffering although it was in the guise of helping him think of strategies in case of train delays.

Then my cell phone stopped working. My incredible au pair tried her cell and it worked. She recommended calling my husband again. I thought it was not a good idea- what's the use of telling him what's going on if he could do nothing about it? I didn't want to go "into my story", but accept the situation and find solutions. My au pair nudged me to call. With her prodding, I called not knowing what to expect from the call. My husband wisely suggested that we call my brother, who is 20 minutes away, and go there to hang out and get cool. It never occurred to me to call him and ask for help.

I called him and of course, he welcomed us. It was awesome! Cool air, fresh food, a ping pong table! The kids came alive and my brother and sister-in-law had some excitement that night.

I learned some valuable lessons. Ask for help when you need it. We have an abundance of resources at our fingertips if we know where to look. We know where to look, if we are open to all possibilities. We are open to all possibilities if we don't judge the moment. When you get a nudge, whether from yourself or someone else, seriously consider acting on it, even if you don't understand what it is about at the moment. Chances are that it will become clearer with time.

Our au pair, my husband, and my brother and sister-in-law were my guardian angels last night. Who are yours?

Changing your Energy

2008-06-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Everything is energy. We are swimming in it, enveloped by it, eating and pooping it. Maybe that's too much information, but in our house, we talk a lot about bodily functions, but I digress...

So we are constantly surrounded by our energy and the energy of others. I have become more aware of the energy of others and I've noticed that I am sensitive to it. I feel it and it affects me. Today I was sitting in the waiting room of my daughter's speech therapist when another family walked in. I felt immediately the difference in energy. I was talking to my mom on the cell and felt really happy and calm and when they walked in I felt uneasy. I finished the conversation quickly with my mom and chalked it up to a courtesy issue- no one needs to hear my conversation with mom. Then after I hung up I realized that it was more than that. This family had such a contrasting energy that I felt I needed to really be alert to my own energy.

After an attempt or two in interacting with them and getting little or no response- they seemed very tense and nervous, I decided to close my eyes and breath and get centered into my own peacefulness. At first, I made it about trying to change their energy- sending them peace, love, the message that it's going to be OK. Then the realization came that my only responsibility and business is my own energy. I went into a nice space of peace and relaxation while still being alert in the room.

Shortly I noticed the tense easing just a little. The husband was still tense, but the wife was more relaxed and the child was enjoying himself with the playroom. I think the energy did change in that room just a little. It helped that my daughter was finishing up her session and it also helped that I stopped interacting with them. But no small part was my focus on my own energy instead of their energy. It was reminder that I can't change others- only myself and my perceptions. Then the whole world changes at my feet.

Getting Clear

2008-05-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I've been experiencing recurrent flooding in my basement. This is not a fun experience- I did not think I was choosing this over and over, but since essentially I do choose all of it, I wondered, why?

Why is tricky one. If you try too hard to think why, then you can easily get into ego stuff and suffer and struggle and blame and..I think you get it. So, I did ask why, but then I let it go and observed what was going on. It did force me to look at old stuff in my basement and clear out some mental stuff. But, little leaks here and there led me to more wonderings and observations about deeper issues. I started listening to my inner voice, getting still and journaling. I started doing work around my family and family history. The deeper I got, the more signals I would get to keep going and looking. I was swimming in information, but since I've had to tread water before, I "Just [kept] swimming" as Dory would say ("Finding Nemo"). Eventually, I started to feel the bottom with my toes and then with feet firmly planted, I slowly walked into shallower water.

I realized that some family history was informing beliefs of mine about abundance and worthiness. If I had abundance, I would be losing something else. So, attempts to reach for abundance had mixed efforts, sabotages, delays. Once I connected the dots, it became clear that I was ready to let go of those beliefs and reveal more of my real self. Welcoming the abundance. Willing to receive it. Willing to do some things that seemed a little intimidating in order to bring more abundance into my life. I also realized that I would waste time- I was actually not using my time in a way that matched my worth. In other words, I wasted time with things I let distract me instead of doing things that were really worth my time- the things I loved and thought important. I started using a tracker system- The Trikaya Tracker (www.TrikayaTribe.com) that kept me accountable to what I say is important in my life. It only took me one day to realize that I was wasting time and effort in a big way.

I know that we are spiritual beings living a human world. We are playing with form. I started wanting the form to actually match my spirit- I was getting clearer. I was able to start letting go of beliefs of others and not make them my own. Now, the world has opened up. Another relief...

Having No Plan

2008-05-20T14:58:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life I have had many people tell me that I need a plan to succeed. And so, I would immediately write out a plan with much detail and get overwhelmed with the enormity of it and put it aside. No one that I remember ever told me to not have a plan, until recently.

I was reading a newsletter from Ray Dodd about how to create more financial wealth. His teachings are based on the "Power of Belief"-- that what we believe is not only instrumental in what we will have in the future, it is the basis of who we are and what we have now. He was talking about how people often trying to control things when they are attempting to get what they want. They get focussed on the "how" of it. Often people won't even dare to dream about something because they don't know how they would ever have it.

He doesn't say, don't have goals or don't write down ideas of what you want or a simple plan, but he does emphasize that if you start worrying about the "how"s of a plan, you actually limit the possibilities. The Universe gets you what you want based on what you believe in the most efficient way so if you only believe something can happen in a certain way, you limit the speed and ways you could receive it.

Case in point: My daughter needed an evaluation which costs $500 and I was thinking "Wow, that's a lot of money! This may really make things tight for us this month." Then I decided I was not going to worry about the money and it would be fine no matter what. Within a few days, I realized that a check I wrote for a program for the same daughter was given back to me since there was no room for her. As I tore up the used check, I looked down and realized that it was for, you guessed it, $500. So the money came from one place and went to another- pretty easy, eh?

Now, I love this way of thinking. It used to stress me out that I didn't feel like I controlled how things happened. But, I never it. I let myself get stressed by circumstances instead of staying in a peaceful state no matter what and trusting that things would work out- now that is control! I am learning to trust more that I will get what I want- based on the premise that it will be OK even if it doesn't show up the way I expect. For me, when I remember to trust, it is like opening a present again and again.

Emotional Spring Cleaning

2008-05-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

We had two floods in our basement in the past 3 months. The second one, an "I Love Lucy" kind of pipe burst, happened two days after finishing our basement after the first flood and installing a water purification system. I was baffled about why this was happening. Not the physical reason- a valve explosion, but the bigger reason.

After the initial shock of seeing the water and turning off the valve. My husband and I immediately started to salvage stuff. Cleaning out the basement was on my list of stuff to do that day and so, now I could avoid it no longer. Miraculously, the important stuff was fine. Photos, books, clothes were intact. The stuff that we no longer needed or had no meaning, was tossed.

Then it hit me. I needed to spring clean my basement and also my inner world. I had all this old stuff in me that I no longer needed, but was holding on to for no other reason than habit. Now was the opportunity to let it go, toss it out. The basement is not spotless (just like my inner emotional state), but it is clearer and more manageable. If another flood hits, there will be less damage and it will be easier to recover from. I am better capable of handling it.

The flood also allowed me to be grateful. I was feeling victimized when it happened. Then I realized that we are so lucky that we were around when it happened, that my husband was home to help, that we have enough money to pay the plumber, that we had water in the house to drink and bathe, that we had a house, that we were alive.

Yes, it was a pain in the butt to clean up and we had no water for a few hours, but that's about it. It was another reminder of how blessed we are. Oh, and I found some old mother's and father's day cards from when I was six. That was pretty cool...

Mothers' Day letter to Myself

2008-05-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

I wrote a love letter to my mom today. It flowed out of me easily and it was something that I thought about doing for the past week. It was a surprise because although my relationship with my mother has improved tremendously over the years, especially after having children myself, it was far from perfect.

I have heard a lot of women talk about their mothers as their heroes. That they worked hard to get their daughters a better life or they were a model of feminism, beat the odds and so on. I had a hard time thinking about my mother in that way. She had some sound advice for me over the years but we had some major differences around most things i.e feminism, politics, religion, etc. She still tends to fret about things and now is losing her memory which can exacerbate her anxiety.

However, the inspiration to write her a letter for Mothers' Day seemed like a very natural thing to do and now that she is in her mid-80s, I thought it something to do sooner than later. After I wrote the letter I cried for a minute. I have realized that when I cry it usually means that what I am experiencing is true in some way- a inner truth.

The letter allowed me to see several truths: the obvious one is that I truly love my mother and I think she did a lot more for me than I thought. The other is that there is a great deal of positive in our relationship and I wanted her to know that she accomplished much with her mothering. In short, my mother became one of my heroes.

Another truth was not obvious until I finished the letter. This letter was from my inner Being. It was a letter that reflected what my inner spirit saw in my mother as her real self- not her anxiety or her political views, but her highest self. It was spirit to spirit.

Lastly and certainly not least, it was a letter from my inner Being to me. It was what I needed to hear about myself- that I was a good mother- not perfect, but loving and kind-even in crazy times.

When my mentor first spoke to me, he made a point of saying that I needed to be kind and gentle with myself in this process- again it brought me to tears knowing that this was something that I needed to do, but rarely allowed it to happen. I think this letter finally allowed me to experience this compassion.

So, if you are ever feeling like a failure as a mother or even mildly overwhelmed, write your mother (whether she is in this world still or not) a love letter. You never know what will happen.

Happy Mothers' Day

Ah! The Ego...

2008-04-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

I was confronted with the realization that I have been allowing my ego to run amuck and really enjoying it in that "misery loves company" sort of way. I mean, what is the fun of complaining if there is nothing to complain about, right?

This started just around the time that I announced that I was to give a workshop. Not coincidentally, the topic was about finding your extraordinary life through being in the Now-aka not being in egoic thought. And so the craziness ensued!

I will not indulge my ego once again by going into the gory details, but I wanted to illustrate the pattern it took, just incase it may come up again (what are the chances of that, right?). First, there was the event itself. I went into it with some ego already- will I fit in? Will this be the place for me? What will it be like? Anxiety, questions of comparison-good/bad, better/worse, isolation, fear. Then, everything was interpreted with that energy. The people were nice, but different. The speakers were...OK, not great. I already know what they are talking about and they are missing some key pieces here.

In other words, instead of going to the event and having a helpful energy and observing and being aware without judging, I assumed, judged, compared, criticized etc. I felt strangely uncomfortable and yet superior at the same time. A little smug.

So, instead of leaving the event and being OK with the difference and choosing that perhaps, this is not the place for me, I decided to return. I was going to give them one more chance!! I'm so generous!!!

I returned with my kids- they had free crafts- this is hard to turn down. Of course, the speaker was sub-par and I had the same feeling- I don't belong with more drama of why this was so!! Then a big question mark-WHY do I not feel comfortable and in sink with these people?

After several days of pondering that one and writing a treatise of my drama to my mentor (he was very helpful in that he didn't get into my drama with me...), I was reading Tolle's Stillness Speaks. It said that if you are wondering, why is this happening to me?, you are not accepting the situation. You are in ego and resisting what is. Then, it hit me. I've been on an ego trip for the past week and not even knowing it!!!

I think I just needed to be a little more miserable before I decided to come back to myself. This is a practice, a life-long practice. I had told myself that I experienced it and so I'm done and now, I can teach it. It is a little different for me. I experienced it, then I forgot, and I come back to experience it, and I teach it to remind myself that I can always come back home and experience it whenever I like. The teaching is to help others, but it is equally important "to keep me honest", so to speak. To remind myself of who I really am. And when I remember who I am, everything else fades away except the extraordinary life situation that I have and the extraordinary Life that I am.

Raising Children as a Spiritual Practice

2008-04-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

The subtitle here is: How my ego gets in the way of flossing my child's teeth

Eckhart Tolle talks about how raising children can be a whole spiritual practice in itself. I don't think he means that everything is cuddly and sweet and peaceful all the time. Certainly, that is part of the equation. What he is referring to is how children are great at triggering the part of the ego called the "pain body"- that dark part of each of us which results from unresolved negative energy. When we identify with it and let it take over, it is a separate entity that is part of the ego. It is not the children's fault, they are just in the dynamic with us. If we can become aware of it and watch it and not identify with it, it will dissolve over time. With practice we do not become engaged with it at all and our peace and love shine through. Sounds nice, right?

I noticed that when I am pre-menstrual, I am more likely to identify with my pain-body. It is no surprise, and Tolle also talks about becoming aware of the pain-body during this time. It is another opportunity that also can be a whole spiritual practice onto itself. I was blessed, as all mothers are, to have the double opportunity to practice in that I'm raising kids while PMSing. So, here I am in and out of awareness that my pain-body is present, and I'm trying to floss my middle child's teeth. She's not keen on the flossing and so the games begin. If I looked at the video of the event, I, and certainly my mommie friends, would be amused, horrified, and saddened by what they saw.

My daughter, bless her, is very strong willed and doesn't easily give in. I felt that I couldn't give in either and we were in a stalemate. I first talked sweetly to her, negotiated, explained, negotiated more, gave scenarios of painful dental appts, put sanctions in place, summarized the deal over and over. Then I threatened with physical restraints- basically holding her down to floss.

OK I know what you are thinking...actually I am assuming I know, which can really feed the ego, so I will stop doing that. It's none of my business anyway.

Finally, my husband got home and saved my butt. He offered to floss her teeth. She refused. The problem was that the floss had mint flavor which she reported as burning her. My pain-body just didn't care (that's the pain-body for you!). He talked with her gently for a moment and it gave me a moment to snap out of my righteous, need for control, and wound of disrespect for a second to look for a hidden stash of unflavored floss. I found some plain kiddie flossers and immediately she was interested in them. The flossing was finished in 20 seconds.

The rest of the night I felt ashamed of myself (more ego) and then sat in a tub of hot aromatic water, breathed, quieted down and forgave myself for my behavior. Certainly it was not the worst of my non-peaceful, ego driven, really-not-me parenting. It was a reminder of how easily one can slip into the pain-body without notice and get stuck. I couldn't even hear my husband's reasonable option of not flossing that night and buying some plain floss for the next day. "It was too late..It was too far gone for that!" my ego defended. Wisely, he didn't get into with me. He just said "OK". Smart man.

Having Abundance in my Life

2008-04-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

I love the feeling of abundance! So, why don't I chose to feel abundant all the time? I get into fear mode- there is not enough, I am not enough, I need to have more, I am afraid to ask for more, I can't give or spend more....I was in this way of thinking most recently and I would assume that you would understand that, despite its familiarity, it pretty much stinks! However, it taught me a lot about myself. I realized, with a little guidance, that it comes from feelings of unworthiness. Feelings of not being enough just the way I am. Feelings that everything needs to be perfect or else why bother.

Without this stinky feeling inside, I would have never discovered or would have dismissed these deeper beliefs. This time I was ready to look at them. So, how to "get rid" of these stinky feelings, you ask? I decided to just be aware of them as they appear- they were everywhere. Talk about abundance!!! "I can't buy that now...", " I keep spending but am not making", "There's not enough time in the day to get all this done..", "I need to do more here...", "I didn't get it all done", "Who is going to want to do this?", "What if no one comes to this event?", "I not going to ask for what I really want, because he is not going to give it to me.." and on and on.

As I become aware of them, and thus being the awareness of the thoughts and feelings, I realize I'm not those beliefs. I am becoming more separate from identifying with thoughts and feelings of unworthiness. (Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now") A mentor of mine suggested that I ask myself a question when I start getting into a mindset where I feel like I need to fill others needs and neglect my own (when the kids start asking for things from me all at the same time). The question is "What do I need right now?" The idea is to stop the cycle of feelings and thoughts of unworthiness and lack and treat myself as if I am very worthy- as worthy as my children or my husband or anyone else. If I treat myself this way, I will have more to give in the long run, thus feeling abundant- interesting how that works...

Another suggestion, which I heard last night from Eckhart Tolle ("A New Earth..."), was to become aware of all the abundance around you. You can do this just by looking around you, out the window- seeing the abundance of nature, or even walking down the street and seeing the abundance of fruit in a store. Being still also allows me to feel the abundance of aliveness in my hands, my feet, legs, head, etc.

The only thing that is stopping me is my attachment to feeling unworthy and in lack. After all, this belief has been in my life for a very long time. I do have confidence that with time, this belief will not just feel stinky, but doesn't hold up to the evidence of my life. I will discover that it just doesn't serve me and it will slowly dissipate. If I fight against it, I'm perpetuating it, fueling the fire. (Check out Ray Dodd's "Power of Belief")

I had an inspiration this morning that was fueled by my increasing feelings of abundance. I got an email from Heifer International, one of my favorite organizations. It declared April as "Pass On the Gift" month. At some point in time, families who have received an animal, insect, or crop to cultivate or raise pass on their offspring to another family. They were encouraging donors to host "Pass On the Gift" dinner parties to raise awareness and perhaps funds for Heifer International. As soon as I read it I thought it to be inline with my abundance project for myself.

In giving of myself and encouraging others to find the abundance in their lives and to also give in anyway they were able, would I not be creating another avenue of being conscious of the incredible abundance in my life? Besides, I love a good party.

As I started to think about the party and how it would look, I had an incredible feeling of abundance in just what I had already. The abundance of sunshine, the abundance of water in my shower, the abundance of food for breakfast, the abundance of laughter coming from my children which started a whole string of abundances just thinking of them. Just the idea of the party opened up the depths of abundance within me. I think it is Neale Donald Walsch ("Conversations with God") who called this "Being the Source". Being the source of what you want for someone else is a great way of becoming aware that you already possess it. After all, if you need to possess it before you can give it away, right?

Now, it doesn't really matter what happens with this party or even if I have one. It is the knowing that I already have this abundance and worthiness inside me that is there whenever I need it. It is that feeling of peace and wholeness. Tolle defines "wholeness" as having peace with his imperfections. I loved that. I don't have to be perfect to be worthy or deserving of abundance. Perfection is not the goal- it is impossible after all. It is the knowing that I am OK right now. I am abundance. I am whole.

With gratitude always for this moment.

Awakenings

2008-04-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Becoming Awake!!! I started this blog as a way to share my experiences of the process of becoming awake more and more each moment. My intent is to illustrate what becoming more conscious looks like from my perspective. The perspective of a 41 year old mother of three young children living in a suburb. Now, I know this is not who I really am, in that, I am an eternal formless Being connected to Source. And so are you.

Perhaps you will join me in this not always smooth road of spiritual evolution, or not, as you wish. As inspirations appear, I'll be writing about them here.